[April Fools] Ranking every TOE

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  "completed_at": "2025-12-01T01:38:03Z",
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      "text": " The Economist covers math, physics, philosophy, and AI in a manner that shows how different countries perceive developments and how they impact markets. They recently published a piece on China's new neutrino detector. They cover extending life via mitochondrial transplants, creating an entirely new field of medicine. But it's also not just science they analyze."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 36.067,
      "index": 1,
      "start_time": 20.896,
      "text": " Culture, they analyze finance, economics, business, international affairs across every region. I'm particularly liking their new insider feature. It was just launched this month. It gives you, it gives me, a front row access to The Economist's internal editorial debates."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 64.531,
      "index": 2,
      "start_time": 36.34,
      "text": " Where senior editors argue through the news with world leaders and policy makers in twice weekly long format shows. Basically an extremely high quality podcast. Whether it's scientific innovation or shifting global politics, The Economist provides comprehensive coverage beyond headlines. As a toe listener, you get a special discount. Head over to economist.com slash TOE to subscribe. That's economist.com slash TOE for your discount."
    },
    {
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      "text": " A KFC tale in the pursuit of flavor. The holidays were tricky for the Colonel. He loved people, but he also loved peace and quiet. So he cooked up KFC's 499 Chicken Pot Pie. Warm, flaky, with savory sauce and vegetables. It's a tender, chicken-filled excuse to get some time to yourself and step away from decking the halls. Whatever that means. The Colonel lived so we could chicken. KFC's Chicken Pot Pie. The best 499 you'll spend this season. Prices and participation may vary while supplies last. Taxes, tips, and fees extra."
    },
    {
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      "text": " You're welcome to listen to this, of course. However, much of it won't make sense unless you watch it. So please visit the YouTube link in the description to see the visual kegs. This video was not sponsored by Blistex. Okay, let me see if this is live now. It should be live."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 143.473,
      "index": 5,
      "start_time": 117.773,
      "text": " If you can see this, type some obscure 90s reference that no one's thought about in years to show that I'm down-to-earth and relatable, but I'm in fact an antisocial, pretentious, germophobic hermit. Okay, great! Alright, let's get to the ranking of the toes. Now, John Vervecky. See, I don't think he uses enough specialized terminology that only three people understand. It's a bit too simplified for my taste,"
    },
    {
      "end_time": 172.927,
      "index": 6,
      "start_time": 144.121,
      "text": " I personally like a man whose main content is like a prologue to the glossary of that content. Repeat after me, John. Not every question needs to be answered with the phrase, Relevance Realization. On the plus side though, at least you've given some words to Peugeot and Van der Kley so that they can feel as if they're being scientific when they quote you. C. Thomas Campbell. Alright, Thomas Campbell reminds you of the guy who would hand out unwrapped fruit on Halloween."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 196.971,
      "index": 7,
      "start_time": 173.439,
      "text": " Like your friend who doesn't wear socks and has beads instead of bedroom doors. It's a brilliant man who has a degree in nuclear physics and I think should have an honorary one in drug development as doctors now prescribe listening to My Big Toe for insomnia. B. Now speaking of people who rely on their former physics degree to give them an air of credibility, Kurt Jaimungal."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 225.538,
      "index": 8,
      "start_time": 197.244,
      "text": " If I had a nickel for every time Kurt said explication or interjected with some mathematical fact that no one cares about, then I wouldn't have to mention Patreon like it wasn't overbearing the first 280 times. Kurt Jaimungal! Or, as he's affectionately nicknamed, what would happen if Lex Friedman and Jordan Peterson had an unsuccessful brown baby? Kurt's opinion of himself versus subscriber count looks like that graph of productivity versus wage stagnation. A man with the charisma of Peppa Pig"
    },
    {
      "end_time": 253.78,
      "index": 9,
      "start_time": 226.254,
      "text": " It's the only man to have pulled his back from furrowing his brows. The guy whose career trajectory should be followed by the theme from Curb Your Enthusiasm. He looks like a Bollywood extra just waiting for that big break. D. Bernardo Castrop. Now on video, Bernardo's wonderful. He's a great friend, but for some reason it's impossible to take a picture of him without it looking like it should be followed by, and tonight, on To Catch a Predator. C."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 282.79,
      "index": 10,
      "start_time": 254.531,
      "text": " Yoshabok. Now, Yoshabok has won awards on cognitive architecture and mental representations, and for his work on being the only person that makes Eric Weinstein sound comprehensible. Speaking to Yosha is like speaking to GPT-3 with the prompt, export text that sounds profound by utilizing rapidly uttered obscure computer science analogies said so self-assuredly that you feel foolish for disagreeing so you publicly pretend that it's genius but can't explain why. C."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 306.169,
      "index": 11,
      "start_time": 283.575,
      "text": " Carl Friston. Now you have to respect someone who can make trying to understand the free energy principle like trying to understand the opening sequence of Rick and Morty on acid. Bess. Speaking of acid, Leo Gura. Now Leo answers the question of what would happen if LSD gave you more of an ego? B. Hear that sound?"
    },
    {
      "end_time": 333.387,
      "index": 12,
      "start_time": 307.073,
      "text": " That's the sweet sound of success with Shopify. Shopify is the all-encompassing commerce platform that's with you from the first flicker of an idea to the moment you realize you're running a global enterprise. Whether it's handcrafted jewelry or high-tech gadgets, Shopify supports you at every point of sale, both online and in person. They streamline the process with the internet's best converting checkout, making it 36% more effective than other leading platforms."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 359.292,
      "index": 13,
      "start_time": 333.387,
      "text": " There's also something called Shopify Magic, your AI-powered assistant that's like an all-star team member working tirelessly behind the scenes. What I find fascinating about Shopify is how it scales with your ambition. No matter how big you want to grow, Shopify gives you everything you need to take control and take your business to the next level. Join the ranks of businesses in 175 countries that have made Shopify the backbone"
    },
    {
      "end_time": 385.043,
      "index": 14,
      "start_time": 359.292,
      "text": " of their commerce. Shopify, by the way, powers 10% of all e-commerce in the United States, including huge names like Allbirds, Rothy's, and Brooklynin. If you ever need help, their award-winning support is like having a mentor that's just a click away. Now, are you ready to start your own success story? Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash theories, all lowercase."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 413.951,
      "index": 15,
      "start_time": 385.043,
      "text": " Razor blades are like diving boards. The longer the board, the more the wobble, the more the wobble, the more nicks, cuts, scrapes. A bad shave isn't a blade problem, it's an extension problem. Henson is a family-owned aerospace parts manufacturer that's made parts for the International Space Station and the Mars Rover."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 442.415,
      "index": 16,
      "start_time": 413.951,
      "text": " Now they're bringing that precision engineering to your shaving experience. By using aerospace-grade CNC machines, Henson makes razors that extend less than the thickness of a human hair. The razor also has built-in channels that evacuates hair and cream, which make clogging virtually impossible. Henson Shaving wants to produce the best razors, not the best razor business, so that means no plastics, no subscriptions, no proprietary blades, and no planned obsolescence."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 458.78,
      "index": 17,
      "start_time": 442.415,
      "text": " It's also extremely affordable. The Henson razor works with the standard dual edge blades that give you that old school shave with the benefits of this new school tech. It's time to say no to subscriptions and yes to a razor that'll last you a lifetime. Visit hensonshaving.com slash everything."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 488.66,
      "index": 18,
      "start_time": 458.78,
      "text": " Steven Pinker, now anyone who goes to the barber and the barber's like, oh, you're giving me a dollar tip ahead of time? No, sir. I'm just trying to show you the haircut that I want. That man deserves an A. A."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 515.452,
      "index": 19,
      "start_time": 489.07,
      "text": " Linda Moulton Howe. Now my major regret with this video was that I wasn't critical enough with her. We got along a bit too well. I didn't impudently and cringely question her credibility several times in a row. That's okay, at least her leather jacket will become a regular. C. Speaking of regulars, Noam Chomsky, the person who's been on tow more than any other guest, personally"
    },
    {
      "end_time": 526.374,
      "index": 20,
      "start_time": 515.759,
      "text": " I don't think he deserved what Snape did to him at the end of Half-Blood Prince, but that's just my bias. Travis Walton, they say they made a true life story of his- Hear that sound?"
    },
    {
      "end_time": 553.439,
      "index": 21,
      "start_time": 527.329,
      "text": " That's the sweet sound of success with Shopify. Shopify is the all-encompassing commerce platform that's with you from the first flicker of an idea to the moment you realize you're running a global enterprise. Whether it's handcrafted jewelry or high-tech gadgets, Shopify supports you at every point of sale, both online and in person. They streamline the process with the Internet's best converting checkout, making it 36% more effective than other leading platforms."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 573.319,
      "index": 22,
      "start_time": 553.439,
      "text": " There's also something called Shopify Magic, your AI powered assistant that's like an all-star team member working tirelessly behind the scenes. What I find fascinating about Shopify is how it scales with your ambition. No matter how big you want to grow, Shopify gives you everything you need to take control and take your business to the next level."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 602.892,
      "index": 23,
      "start_time": 573.319,
      "text": " Join the ranks of businesses in 175 countries that have made Shopify the backbone of their commerce. Shopify, by the way, powers 10% of all e-commerce in the United States, including huge names like Allbirds, Rothy's, and Brooklynin. If you ever need help, their award-winning support is like having a mentor that's just a click away. Now, are you ready to start your own success story? Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com"
    },
    {
      "end_time": 623.558,
      "index": 24,
      "start_time": 602.892,
      "text": " I think it's star Jim Carrey. Not sure. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 644.138,
      "index": 25,
      "start_time": 623.78,
      "text": " C. Brian Keating. Now I learned so much from Brian as a podcaster, like that it doesn't matter how many times you ask people to like and subscribe, it doesn't work."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 667.961,
      "index": 26,
      "start_time": 644.701,
      "text": " I'm just kidding, man. I'm kidding. Brian taught me that the best way to get back at the Nobel committee is to repeatedly validate them by interviewing as many Nobel winners as possible. I'm just kidding, man. I'm kidding. You have to have a sense of humor in this podcast industry, especially when you have a face like Fred Flintstone. I'm kidding, man. I'm kidding. Buzz Lightyear has supported me since near the beginning, and I'm lucky to call him a friend. Wow. Thanks, Kurt."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 696.527,
      "index": 27,
      "start_time": 668.66,
      "text": " Lee Cronin. Now, Lee looks and sounds like a classy mad scientist from a B-movie in the 80s, where he's continually pointing out some alarming news that others aren't listening to, but you don't understand! The assembly number is too high! Okay, we understand, Lee. We understand that you think physicists don't understand entropy because you don't. We get it. A. Ross Coulthard. Now, I tell you what I think, but I truly think it's best you just read about it in this book."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 722.807,
      "index": 28,
      "start_time": 697.415,
      "text": " This is one of the big problems for me when I was writing my book. I've worked out ways of doing this in the course of my research for the book. A few of them have become aware that I've written a book. Actually, if he reads my book, I write about them in the book. I don't want to sound like I'm overly promoting my book, but I've detailed them in my book."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 729.974,
      "index": 29,
      "start_time": 723.183,
      "text": " In all seriousness, you have to respect a man who's gone from award-winning 60 minutes journalist. Hear that sound?"
    },
    {
      "end_time": 757.039,
      "index": 30,
      "start_time": 730.964,
      "text": " That's the sweet sound of success with Shopify. Shopify is the all-encompassing commerce platform that's with you from the first flicker of an idea to the moment you realize you're running a global enterprise. Whether it's handcrafted jewelry or high-tech gadgets, Shopify supports you at every point of sale, both online and in person. They streamline the process with the internet's best converting checkout, making it 36% more effective than other leading platforms."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 776.903,
      "index": 31,
      "start_time": 757.039,
      "text": " There's also something called Shopify Magic, your AI powered assistant that's like an all-star team member working tirelessly behind the scenes. What I find fascinating about Shopify is how it scales with your ambition. No matter how big you want to grow, Shopify gives you everything you need to take control and take your business to the next level."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 806.527,
      "index": 32,
      "start_time": 776.903,
      "text": " Join the ranks of businesses in 175 countries that have made Shopify the backbone of their commerce. Shopify, by the way, powers 10% of all e-commerce in the United States, including huge names like Allbirds, Rothy's, and Brooklynin. If you ever need help, their award-winning support is like having a mentor that's just a click away. Now, are you ready to start your own success story? Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com"
    },
    {
      "end_time": 827.637,
      "index": 33,
      "start_time": 806.527,
      "text": " Dining with prime ministers to rummaging around Tom DeLonge's basement looking for a piece of bismuth metal made from a car in 1922."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 857.381,
      "index": 34,
      "start_time": 827.995,
      "text": " Look, I'm just kidding. Ross is a dear friend. You can find Ross on YouTube, on Amazon, and on Pornhub, considering how badly he fucked his future prospects by investigating ET. A. Chris Langan. Now that's an S tier. I mean, the CTMU, it's a super-tier-tology. It syntactically includes all the other tiers. True, true genius. I feel my IQ increasing just looking at him. S. Now, if you want to decrease your IQ,"
    },
    {
      "end_time": 883.848,
      "index": 35,
      "start_time": 857.756,
      "text": " Tom DeLong. No, I'm just kidding. A man whose name said quickly sounds like Ikea cutlery. The difference between Tom and cutlery, at least, is that the cutlery has a point. I mean, MC Escher himself couldn't make something more contradictory than secret machines. But Tom is important because we need someone that even Richard Doty is like, that's a bit too far. C. Okay, Don Hoffman versus Josje Bach."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 899.275,
      "index": 36,
      "start_time": 884.275,
      "text": " This was like watching Daigo vs Chun-Li"
    },
    {
      "end_time": 917.568,
      "index": 37,
      "start_time": 899.77,
      "text": " Jokes aside, Verizon has the most ways to save on phones and plans where you can get a single line with everything you need. So bring in your bill to your local Miami Verizon store today and we'll give you a better deal."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 958.575,
      "index": 38,
      "start_time": 931.408,
      "text": " By the way, if you get that reference, then I feel sorry for you. B. Anil Seth, or in other words, what happens when the kid from Avatar The Last Airbender grows up and gets famous from a TED Talk? B. Richie Doland. I like that he studies UFOs but doesn't fall into that typical conspiracy rabbit hole. He's truly a unique individual, and he's right people incorrectly stereotype him."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 986.732,
      "index": 39,
      "start_time": 959.343,
      "text": " I think we'd all be surprised if he didn't have a X-Files-themed ringtone and a picture of Lazar pleasuring Fravor as his wallpaper. B. Carlo Ravelli. Relational quantum mechanics. Not a man of absolutes. To him, oh Kelvin is a term of endearment. Like, oh Kelvin, come on! Carlo is famous for saying it's relations all the way down, which I think he adopted from metaphysically interpreting Bill Clinton. S."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 1013.029,
      "index": 40,
      "start_time": 987.09,
      "text": " Lou Elizondo. Now what I like about Lou is that he's clear. Doesn't hide behind his NDA like most people. Doesn't go on a tangent about unrelated metaphors for nine minutes. It's just straight facts. Hey. Rupert Spira. Where is the border of your experience, Kurt? Hey man, people are wondering where the border of this conversation is. It's been like three and a half hours. Time is money."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 1039.275,
      "index": 41,
      "start_time": 1013.473,
      "text": " I'm just kidding, man. It's a pleasure and a gift to be able to spend this much time with the man that people go to because they can't afford Eckhart Tolle. Bess. David Walpart has about six no-go theorems restricting him from being placed at any level below B. A. Steven Wolfram. See, I don't know how Steven can stand being in an industry with all these overly opinionated and egotistical business owners. It just doesn't fit."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 1068.933,
      "index": 42,
      "start_time": 1040.179,
      "text": " Now, the hallmark of a great theory is when it's so specific that it can be falsified. I asked him, general relativity with a negative cosmological constant? Stephen's like, I can derive that. Positive cosmological constant? I can derive that. An underivable girdle-like statement? Oh, yes. Yes, easily, yes. The Nazgul from Lord of the Rings? Most likely, yes. How about a theories of everything channel with more than six women in it? Now, that's a bit tricky, Kurt."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 1078.746,
      "index": 43,
      "start_time": 1070.486,
      "text": " Ian McGilchrist, one of the best interviews on this channel. I always like a book that you can pick up and finish in three years."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 1105.998,
      "index": 44,
      "start_time": 1079.104,
      "text": " Ian, given the expansion of the universe, by the time people read this, there won't be any matter or things. My left hemisphere wants to rate this an S, and my right hemisphere wants to commiserate with you for not being able to get a word in edgewise with Jordan Peterson. Lastly, Don Hoffman."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 1135.947,
      "index": 45,
      "start_time": 1106.561,
      "text": " I'm still not sure if his message is related to space-time being doomed. Perhaps he should reiterate that another 550 times. Don, I love your prolificness. I love how you're constantly innovating and by innovating what I mean is you find 15 different ways of saying the same thing. Constantly new, inspiring. What's next, Don? Are you going to talk about how the particle goes through both slits, but only when no one's watching? Well, given how many people I've offended,"
    },
    {
      "end_time": 1153.985,
      "index": 46,
      "start_time": 1136.186,
      "text": " Lately, perhaps. Soon I'll be able to let you know what it's like to go through. Both, as well. Oh, and that Alan Watts-Kurt-Gerdolfio locution. Terrible match. One of the worst podcasts on this channel. No one wanted to see that. D."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 1170.93,
      "index": 47,
      "start_time": 1155.35,
      "text": " This is a note from Kurt. These were just April Fools jokes. I love and appreciate every one of the guests on this channel and I still can't believe how lucky and blessed I am to be able to spend even 10 minutes with each of these people. What an honor. Rupert Spira"
    },
    {
      "end_time": 1197.995,
      "index": 48,
      "start_time": 1170.93,
      "text": " Thank you for coming onto the Theories of Everything podcast. The channel and the broader world was and is improved merely by your presence, and we're extremely grateful for your time. Thank you dearly."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 1212.022,
      "index": 49,
      "start_time": 1200.282,
      "text": " If you're interested in continuing to laugh at Toll-related aspects, then visit the subreddit KurtGymUncleMemes, which is run by user NotMyAccount slash Jack, who supplied some of the graphics for these jokes. Here are a few."
    },
    {
      "end_time": 1247.79,
      "index": 50,
      "start_time": 1220.452,
      "text": " This podcast is now finished. If you'd like to hear me supplicate for another few seconds, then continue listening to my 100% not repetitive plead for donations. It's support from the patrons, aka the splendid and munificent, and the sponsors, aka those brave enough to invest in a channel on mathematical physics, consciousness, and God, teetering as close as you can to being Deepak Chopra without being Deepak, that allow me to do this full time. Every dollar helps tremendously. Thank you."
    }
  ]
}