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Border Arrest Nightmare: Single Mom Arrested at the Border
January 14, 2025
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Hi, I'm Jean Chatsky. You may know me as the host of the Her Money podcast or the financial editor of NBC's Today Show for 25 years.
It started with a scream inside a quiet Maryland home.
A mother trying to protect the family dog and her son in the grip of a violent hallucinogenic rage. By the time it was over, she was dead, and he claimed LSD made him do it. His name, David Minor IV, and we talked to him. Listen to Invisible Choir every other week as we uncover the most haunting true crimes you've never heard of, available wherever you get your podcasts.
I learned at a young age that if I say the right things and I do the right things, then I can get away with things. When I was first getting loaded, like I would start to escort, right? Like that was the perfect way for me to figure out how to make money. I remember looking down at the right. And I just thought like, wow. And I got these butterflies, you know, and up to this point, I was very anti doing anything like that. And I just remember getting these butterflies.
and I look down again and I'm like, man, I don't think that's going to be enough for tonight. My first instinct is to get loaded and then to be a mom. Like it's, it's always been wired that way. And I was presented with an opportunity, um, an opportunity to go down to Mexico to make some money. If I were, was willing to transport some drugs back 12 o'clock at night and she gets a phone call that like her daughter's just been arrested.
Hey, this is Matt Cox and I'm here with Megan Racer and we're going to be talking about her story. So check out the interview and do me a favor. If you haven't subscribed, please subscribe.
Hit the bell so you get notified and leave me a comment. And if you like the video, share it. So check out the interview. So let's go ahead and just kind of start from, you know, the beginning, which is like, you know, like, where were you born? Brothers, sisters, you know, parents, were they in the picture, that sort of thing? Okay, yeah. I was born in Phoenix, Arizona. I've been out here. I'm still in Arizona my whole life. My parents were both born out here. My kids were born out here. So
I have three generations worth of people living in Arizona. I have one sister who's about seven years younger than I am. So I started my addiction journey much sooner than she did, but we're both in recovery and are sober today. But I grew up with both my parents in the household.
The house was, I mean, my house was loving, you know, like I knew my parents loved me and I knew that they could provide well for me. And there just wasn't like connection, you know, there wasn't a lot of emotional connection going on in my household. And for me, it was a really challenging thing as an adult to start then forming those connections with people, especially even after having kids, you know, it was this cycle that I had to consciously break.
You know, autism runs in my family, and I'm 100% sure my dad's just undiagnosed on the autism spectrum. So as much as he was able to provide and he was a good provider, he just emotionally wasn't available, very hyper focused on specific topics. And you know, he's very angry. So
Having a connection with him was like, okay, we ride dirt bikes together and, you know, we go to the lake and we do all these activities, but that was like very surface level. You know, there weren't any intimate conversations happening in my household between myself and my parents. The situation was a little different with my sister. You know, she had a good connection with my mom. I more so had a connection with my dad on the level of like, we really liked extreme sports. We were both adrenaline junkies together.
And so the relationship with my mom didn't start to form until I was in my 30s. The one piece in my family that held us all together was my grandmother. And she was that one person that I had first initially connected with in my life. She was just a great woman. She loved me.
For all of my imperfections and some bad behaviors that I had or whatever, she always showed me just genuine love. I take that into the relationships and into my value system today. It was hard. She passed away when I was about 17, so my connection with my family, I felt like I wasn't a part of it anymore. After she had passed away, I was like,
Junior in high school, right, and I'm still trying to like figure myself out. I don't really have like strong connections or bonds with people. And just yeah, connecting in general was really challenging for me. I didn't have a lot of self worth growing up, you know, my mom was very self conscious and really hard on herself. So that, you know, that came across to my sister and I.
Um, like we were at a, we're all hanging out recently, right? We're at this pool party, like a family function and my sister and I, you know, we're both sitting there fully clothed, everyone else is swimming and we're both like, no, we're not going to get in the pool. Like, um, just still to this day, it's, it's, it's kind of a challenging thing to get through and it's definitely, you know, learn behaviors and we've identified it and like communicated through that, but, um, it was just really challenging. So,
When I turned 18, I met a man that was significantly older than I was, and I fell head over heels for this person. Up to that point, I had been a really good student. I graduated high school, I think a 3.7 GPA, and I went to college, went to Arizona State University for criminal justice because
I really wanted to be an attorney. I really liked arguing. I could convince people. One of my special talents has always been to influence. I used it as manipulation when I was younger, but to influence or guide people into my belief system or ways of thinking.
And so just being an attorney just sounded like the perfect path for me. Like I really got into criminal justice and I did some tours at some prisons out here in Arizona. I went to like, I saw Tent City when Sheriff Joe was the sheriff out here at a time. And I just, I remember I went to a federal camp because we were like learning the difference between state and federal in one of our college classes, right?
There's a medium security men's prison out here in Arizona, and there's a minimum security prison, and that's the one that we went and toured. So I just remember specifically going out there and seeing all these women who were outside the fence. And I'm just like, this is so weird. They're driving around. They have jobs outside of the prison.
and that was kind of like my first introduction in a roundabout way into prison. You know, I really loved and advocated for reentry programs and like my heart was in the criminal justice system and I just couldn't really comprehend how different that would look for me, you know, 10 years later down the road. Yeah, so, you know, I'm going to college and
I'm in this relationship with this man who's kind of introducing me to life. You know, I was very young, very naive, again, didn't make a ton of connections. So like, I didn't have a lot of opportunities to make bad choices. I mean, I kind of take that back. I got my first like criminal justice experience was as like a 16 year old girl, I was shoplifting. And I just like, like
got like a high off of it, you know, I had never gotten caught prior to that moment. And I was at, I forget, like Macy's or something. And, you know, I'm putting stuff in my bag, and I'm in the dressing room, right. And they they definitely caught me, they pulled me back inside read me my rights. And I was just like, this is, this is gonna suck. Going home to my mom is going to be really interesting.
and like she gave me that line, like, I'm not mad. I'm just super disappointed in the choices that you made. Very mom. It's such a mom thing to say. And here, but this is my like introduction into getting in trouble, right? Like my mom paid for my fines. You know, I was working at the time. It always worked a job, but she paid for my fines. Um,
I got diversion court because I was a juvenile. So like there isn't really any record of me committing this crime. I just had to do some community service and call it a day. And so, you know, I learned at a young age that if I say the right things and I do the right things, then I can get away with things, you know, and, and that's kind of how I lived my life for a long time was being able to talk my way out of something or presenting myself in a certain way or looking a certain way.
and things won't be so bad for me. I was working a job, it was probably 16, around the same time. I was working at Walgreens and I remember a friend, she was like, okay, so I want to go buy shoes. I was like, perfect. I asked my mom for some cash and she gave me a couple hundred dollars. I remember my friend's like, well, let's see if we can get some more money. We can buy more shoes. I'm like, perfect.
So she was working the register that day and I was like buying something right and she was just going to slip me more money back for change than like I was supposed to get so that that happened we got the shoes and you know they ended up calling the cops and like I told them exactly what happened you know and I I just got fired and there wasn't any charges like nothing happened so again I'm like I'm
diverting from getting in trouble for doing anything. I mean, it felt like I got in trouble because I got fired. But like looking back at it, you know, other people probably would have had some criminal repercussions for doing something like that. Did your did your parents find out about that? Yeah, they found out about that the store ended up calling them because I was I was still a minor. Right. So I mean, I bullshitted. I
you know, I skirted around what really happened and I lied about it and same situation, you know, with me shoplifting, I always put it off on someone else like, Oh, well, they told me to do it or, you know, like they, they were doing it. So I felt like I could do it cause it was okay. And like, I know, you know, I grew up in a good household where we knew right from wrong or like our basis of what right and wrong is and stealing is not okay.
But it was just like, but I think I can get away with it. I think I can use my words in order to fix the situation. I don't think I'm a good criminal by any means, but I think if I do get in trouble, then that's where I shine. Let me show you that I can make this better. That's not the time to shine.
I liked the adrenaline again, I was just kind of driven by adrenaline. And like, again, riding motorcycles was just this high that I got and like, you know, I can I can beat you, you know, we'd ride with like the adults and, and that was that was really fun to me. So I was always chasing some kind of high to get outside of myself. And then
Um, like partying when I was young, like, uh, alcohol. I mean, we're in Arizona or by a lot of lakes. There's a lot of house parties, a lot of desert parties that go on, you know? And so alcohol was always prevalent in my life. It was acceptable to drink as a young, um, you know, an older adolescent, right? It was okay. Like it was getting drunk with my parents' friends and there was never like a situation where, you know, I was punished. It was like, Hey, how does throwing up the next day? Like that's your punishment.
Did your parents have any addiction, like an alcohol problem or anything? Not my dad. It was just prevalent. It was just around. Yeah, it was prevalent. So, you know, my mom isn't an alcoholic. I wouldn't call her an alcoholic. I would say she was more of a problem drinker. You know, she wasn't happy in her marriage.
And I knew that and at like a young age, it was like, why are you guys married? You know, it was very like very analytical and like literal, like you guys don't look happy. You should probably divorce, you know, and that word was talked about, right? So I knew what it meant. And I'm just like, yeah, that makes sense. Like you guys aren't happy. You should probably divorce. And so I think my mom used alcohol to solve a lot of her problems, but I don't think she has that gene to where
it I don't think she has the more gene right where you have to keep going right go implode your life like she's been employed with Wells Fargo for 40 years now you know to maintain a household she's she's functional in in her drinking but it has been a problem and I don't think she could see my issues because like drinking was really acceptable you know but like your 16 year old daughter shouldn't be drinking
so much that she's blacking out. Right. And then, you know, throwing up the next day, like that's not okay. Okay. Um, so, um, I, I did have a couple instances, obviously, like when I was younger that I got in trouble, but I never saw myself like living that way. I guess I, I always saw myself as a good kid who just
It started with a scream inside a quiet Maryland home. A mother trying to protect the family dog and her son in the grip of a violent hallucinogenic rage.
By the time it was over, she was dead, and he claimed LSD made him do it. His name, David Minor the Fourth, and we talked to him. Listen to Invisible Choir every other week as we uncover the most haunting true crimes you've never heard of, available wherever you get your podcasts. I'm like, I'm very, um,
have low self esteem, low self worth, like I really put everything that I am into a man. And this is after losing the connection with my grandmother. And I finally felt like, Oh, my gosh, you know, I have a connection again, to another person. And this is this is what I've been seeking. You know, connection has always been the thing that I've wanted in my life. And I thought I had found it with him. And he was the one that introduced me, you know, to drugs.
Like, um, I always drank, but I didn't, I was like, no, no, no, I'll never ever touch that stuff. You know, I was very adamant that I wouldn't. Um, but when I was 18 and, you know, I just, I remember one night we're living together and he comes home pretty late, you know, and I didn't really know what he was doing a lot of the time, but he came home pretty late and he lays down this spread, right. And he just has like this decent size, you know, mound of cocaine.
and he has opiates with him. And I just remember him, I remember looking down at the cocaine rate and I just saw like, wow, and I got these butterflies, you know, and up to this point, I was very anti doing anything like that. And I just remember getting these butterflies and I looked down again and I'm like, man, I don't think that's going to be enough for tonight.
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Took half of it, swallowed it and it was like, Oh, this is how people live. Like this is, this is how I'm supposed to feel. You know, it was like I was home in my body. Um, cause I had always felt like a foreign entity inside of my body and like didn't really understand why it was here. Couldn't really connect again. And like drugs became this perfect place for me to just be me, you know,
What did this guy do for a living? So he was a millwright, a union millwright. So when we first got together, he had started his apprenticeship with the millwright union. And so he didn't make a lot of money. He worked a lot in, you know, I helped support through some things.
But, um, he worked once he got into the profession and, you know, became a journeyman. Like he was working, you know, seven days a week, 12 hours a day for months on end. So drugs, that was just the perfect world. Like most of the people that work like that are getting loaded. Right. Yeah. So, and to me, like I didn't know that previously, cause again, he's much older than I am. I didn't know that he had a drug problem before we even got to know each other.
How much older? At 18, yes.
that we have in common. I was an easy target to manipulate news. He wanted to live a lifestyle where I didn't ask a lot of questions, and I didn't. That was my introduction into the drug world. He was basically my dealer at that point. I kind of depended on him to get what I needed, but I didn't ask.
You know, like I knew in my brain, like how much I had obsessed over it. And I was just like, okay, just wait until he brings it up. Wait till he brings it to you. Don't ever ask. You know what I mean? Like it was, it was these steps of the, the yet's I guess, where it's like, I'm not to the point where I have to ask and make something like this happen. Like I'll just let him have it happen versus like,
Becoming, you know later in life this heroin IV user who's seeking drugs every day I just knew that I could get to that point and I didn't want to get there Right. All right. So did you end up graduating school or Right. So I was with this person for three years. We were engaged to get married, you know, like
had a really fantastic relationship with his family. He was from back East. So we'd go out there a lot and hang out. Um, and you know, again, there were a lot of firsts of this guy. So he was my first like abusive relationship, you know, um, the first time he had ever put his hands on me, we weren't doing that great. And I, again, I don't realize like he's got a drug problem at this point. Like I don't understand this world yet. Still pretty naive, but like we get high together sometimes, you know,
And so we go to Mexico and like he's on steroids, he's creating, like he's making his own steroids, right? So he's big guy, pretty angry at some points. And we go to Mexico just to kind of have a vacation because he's working a lot. And, you know, he gets really, really drunk and he's probably on other stuff. And I just remember him getting really angry at me and we're in our room and he just grabs me by the throat, pushes me up against the wall and done like five eight.
Right? Like he's a strong guy and I remember him holding me there with his arm back and I'm just like, there's nothing I can do about it. And he lets me go and I run out of the room and I go downstairs and it's like nighttime and I'm sitting on this bench just crying hysterically and like somebody comes up to me and they're like, Hey, do you need something? And for me, it's like, I was taught like, you don't talk about shit. You know, you don't talk about these things.
And so I just, I was no, I'm okay. And I cried a little bit more and then I went back up to the bedroom. He was like laying down, passed out and I just fell asleep and like it was never talked about, you know, like situations like that would happen. And it just didn't get talked about between him and I, because I don't want to bring it up. I know he's not bringing it up and I'm not telling my family, you know, we don't have a relationship like that where I feel like I can.
or even, even knowing that's an option. But, um, so a couple other instances happened with him. I was going to say bringing it up could just spark another instant, another incident, another incident, you know? So I get not bringing it up. Yeah. And he just, you know, he's a very smart man, very charismatic, um,
came off very kind and loving and behind closed doors, it was just a very different situation, you know, and you add drugs into that. And I'm sure drugs had a lot to do with his outbursts and his anger and his frustration, but it's not like it's not an excuse to be a shitty human, you know? Right. So like three years into our relationship, like I should have known he had been cheating and I just didn't want to see the signs.
But he was like a traveling journeyman. So he was in California a lot and I noticed he kept going to this one particular job site a lot and that he had this like new friend who was a female and you know, it wasn't okay if I had men who are friends and he was trying to Create it in a way where it's like no. No, this is just a friend like it's okay for me to do it, but not you
and a situation and it just, it came down to like, he was, you know, in fact cheating on me with this person that he had met in California. I found out and I had left like as soon as I found out and, um, you know, I was just like, we're done. He's like, okay, we're done. And we had like lived in a house together and he just, he packed his stuff up that week and then moved out to California with her. Um,
So for me, like I had never really experienced any kind of heartache and I had invested so much of who I am in this person. When he left, it was like, well, I don't know who I am anymore. You know, I couldn't find me for me. So I just remember. Yeah. How did you find out that he was cheating on you? So he came back from California where I knew she was at.
And he kept telling me nothing's going on, nothing's going on, but they kept communicating. So I grabbed his phone and I went through everything and I saw their text messages. I saw, you know, the pictures back and forth. And so that day, like I didn't sleep right the whole night because he was sleeping. And so I went through his phone and I emailed everything to myself. I went to my mom's and I printed it and then I came back to our house.
All the stuff printed right like all the pictures and the messages and I like threw it on the bed and I was like, do you want to tell me about this? You know and and he just Didn't care is like would like it Like he knew he was caught, you know, there wasn't any manipulating or making excuses about it and I just had walked out that day I Spent like a thousand dollars or something in like clothes and stuff at the mall
And, uh, yeah, I moved out. I had moved out and there wasn't like, let's try to make this work. Let's get back together. Nothing like that. Like he was pretty, um, solid in the choice that he had made to be with her. So that, that, that, that like damaged me, you know?
I feel like that damaged me more than it really should have. Like most people are like, you know, this sucks and it hurts and like I have heartbreak, but like I don't have to use drugs because somebody was cheating on me and the relationship is over. Like I can, I can grieve properly and then move on with my life. But my, my choice was to start doing drugs more. And so I picked up, um, opiates a lot more once he left.
Um, well, it helps all the pain, you know, it does. It does. It made me feel good. I was like, this, this drug right here is the one thing I feel like I have a solid connection with. And that's not fucking me over in my life. This is perfect. And I could afford it at the time, you know, there were like oxy thirties. Um, and the eighties were around then I get them from like decently, you know, I'd always had decent connections to where it wasn't like super, super expensive.
So I was kind of just doing my own thing for a while. I was in college working at restaurants and stuff. Ended up finding this one guy who was like connected with my ex. Like they worked in the same industry and those guys make pretty good money. Right. And my motivation for being with a man was always like what are you going to do to provide for me or like what kind of drugs are you going to give me. You know there was there was always a motivation for me behind being with somebody.
financial gain drugs that was it and sex like give me those three and that's it that's all I need so with this guy you know he had apparently he was a recovering heroin addict and he ended up relapsing when we were together so
I have a really good picker at this time. Um, so like I'm, but the thing is like I'm in my addiction too, you know, like I'm sneaking Oxy's behind his back. He's sneaking heroin behind my back. Like there's some abusive moments that happen in this relationship cause I keep finding out he's using heroin and like I'm at this point never had touched that stuff, right? Like it was disgusting to me. I couldn't believe he was doing something like that. Um,
And I'm like studying for the LSATs. I'm in my senior year of college and I end up leaving him. And again, connecting another man to this one, somebody he grew up with, who is my children's father now. I see him, we all go to a wedding together, right? And I remember my children's father walking into the reception hall and he just has this, I don't give a attitude, right? Doesn't care.
and we're sitting at the bar
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And you know, I'm,
Kind of with the other person at this point at the wedding, like I'm his date, but I'm also like eyeing my children's father. Right. And so we like connect on Facebook, right? It's like pretty big at the time we connect and he's like living out in the Chandler area right around where Arizona State University kind of is. And I'm out there still going to college. And we, we met up one night, like went on a date.
And I just remember I moved in with him immediately after that. Again, I attach I latch on, because I found out like, oh, you can get me my drugs, like, we had coke, we had Oxy's, like, you know, you get me what I need. What what happened with the other guy? I just I stopped talking to him. Yeah, he he ended up he couldn't maintain sobriety, you know, he couldn't
keep a needle out of his arm. And I was just like, I can't do this lifestyle. Like I have so much going on behind the scenes. I'm like getting loaded, you know, but in my head, it's like, this is a legal source of drugs and I'm not addicted, but I'm obsessively thinking about it. You know, like that is number one on my mind. It's not school. It's not like anything else but getting loaded. Um, so yeah, he and I stopped talking and I start
I guess dating, hooking up, whatever you want to call it with my children's father. He's supplying my drug habit at this time. I remember I'm working at Olive Garden and I drive into work one day and so like mental health, right? Like me struggling with my mental health is a huge part of my story and I just didn't know it. Like I didn't understand mental health back then, but I remember walking into work and just like breaking down crying.
And again, like got my drugs with me. So that's good. But like I was just sitting in the back, right? Like behind a table, just bawling my eyes out and like one of our managers sees me and they're like, you need to go home. So I go home and like, I just, I never went back. Like my thing is ghosting, you know, that's been a really hard habit for me to break. It's just like, if I don't want to be somewhere or I get uncomfortable or I don't want to change, I'm gone. So I never went back to that job and that,
created a big problem for me because like I heavily, heavily depended on their dad at that point, you know, and with school, like I was a senior in college about to get my BA. You said you heavily depended on what? On their, on their dad, on Sean, my, my children's father. Okay. Sorry. I didn't. Uh, so,
Yeah, I'm in my senior year college and I have one class to graduate to get my bachelor's in criminal justice and then, you know, to go to law school and I quit. I quit my senior year and my drug habit got really, really bad at that point. Is there a specific reason you quit?
Cause it was getting in the way of my drug using. Okay. I mean, were you failing? You were failing. You just couldn't do both. No, no. I think a lot of it is just a failure to succeed. Again, like I don't, I, I don't think I'm worth much at this point, especially like failed relationship after failed relationship and where I'm putting my worth is in relationships.
So my senior year rolls around and so I do have this bad drug habit, right? I'm living with a man who I don't really like and then I find out I'm pregnant and just a combination of everything. I don't want to do life anymore. I don't want to do this world anymore because the drugs are supposed to make me happy and I'm not happy, you know? And so I go through our pregnancy and it's just tumultuous with him.
You know, he turned, he ended up becoming a heroin addict at this time during my pregnancy. And I'm, I'm trying to quit using Oxy's while I'm pregnant. And it's like, I can't, I can't stop. Um, about seven months into my pregnancy, like we're no longer talking at this time. I'm like back at with, with my mom, I ended up quitting, um, using the opiates at like seven months pregnant with my daughter. And, um,
I have my daughter at nine months. With my pregnancies, I didn't tell my mom I was pregnant. She didn't like Sean. She never approved of him. Nobody in my family liked him. Nobody's liked any of the men I've been with. I finally tell her around seven months pregnant that I'm like, hey, you're going to have your first grandkid by the way, and it's Sean's. She was just like,
There wasn't there was never like excitement around my pregnancies. So I guess talking about those things is really hard. It wasn't a fun time for me like being in my 20s and being pregnant, you know, looking back at it now I really missed out like I missed out on on the joy and the looking forward to having a kid because
I can't get my shit together. My mental health sucks and like I keep wanting to get loaded and now I have a child on the way. Your mom didn't I thought you said like you were living with your mom. She didn't notice you were pregnant. Well, I ended I was about like seven months pregnant when I moved in with her. But no, you can't really tell that I'm pregnant when I'm pregnant. Wow. It takes a while. Okay. Yeah, I just don't really show. Right.
and you know, we don't have this like super tight relationship at this time. So and I thought she would just be angry, you know, I want to I'm people pleaser, you know, like I want to I want to avoid her having hard feelings for as long as I possibly can and then just throw a bomb. So I end up having my daughter it's not really working out living at my mom's so I move in with my cousin, right and and they're
You know, Sean comes back around their dad and he starts hanging out with me while I'm living with my cousin and he's still using heroin, right? Like he's still getting loaded on a daily basis. I had never tried it at this point. And I remember I would find it like in his truck or hidden somewhere and I would throw it away. He would get so angry at me and I just didn't understand like, why are you getting so angry? It's not that serious.
Like I just didn't know the physical hold that heroin had on your body, not just the mental, spiritual, emotional. It's the physical hold that this drug has. And I remember my daughter was probably like two months old and I remember finding, you know, his drugs in his truck and I took it out and I was just like, you know what? I'm going to do some today. And I told him that I'd found it before he like was off to work or whatever. Right.
And I said, you know, I said, I'm going to do this. And he was like, all right, just give me half of it. You do the other half. Give me some money and I'll pick more up tonight. Like, OK. So that I mean, that started off my like two year heroin vendor with my, you know, small child in my life. There was just a lot of moving from different place to place. I had always maintained a job.
you know, working in like restaurants and stuff. And for some reason, I was able to maintain that and an okay lifestyle for my daughter. But you know, I was degenerate, like I was getting loaded and, and hoping that my daughter was okay. And like a lot of his family would help out with with her. And then it came to the point one day, like he had ended up leaving, leaving us right, because I would
we would live together and then they wouldn't live together and we lived together and lived with his dad. And he ended up moving back to Missouri with his mom at this point. And I think my daughter's about two and a half and his side of the family called CPS. So CPS gets involved. I can't, you know, I can't test clean to save my life. Like I was very honest with them. They're like, are you getting loaded? And I was like, yeah, absolutely.
Um, and I just kept failing the drug test. So they, um, they opened up a petition through juvenile court and, you know, both dad and I had tested positive for heroin. So we're both, we both had this, um, open petition through CPS and I ended up signing over my rights to my daughter, to the state and to his side of the family. Cause again, I'm not close with my side of the family at this time.
and my daughter knows them a lot better. So I go to rehab. Um, I do really well in rehab and I'm like going back and forth with this case and dad ends up coming back to Arizona from Missouri. Um, I'm about six months sober at this time and we're both like testing at task, which was like a place you'd call, you know, you call, get the number or the color and you'd go in, right?
Right. So we both got called on the same night. And, you know, I'm sober. He's kind of sober, but he's still like drinking a bunch. And we go and we like have dinner that night. And then we we end up going back to like where he's staying at with his dad and where my daughter's at. And we get pregnant with my son. You need to get that?
No, it was my son. So we, yeah, we ended up getting pregnant with my son. I'm about six months sober at this point. I let him know a month later when I found out he was just like, I don't, I don't want to have another kid. I'm like, okay, well, I'm not I'm not getting rid of it. Like we're I'm pregnant, I'm having this kid. And it was around
I found out I was pregnant in January around Cinco de Mayo and we still have this case going on. He's getting loaded at this point. He's going out drinking and doing all that stuff. He tries to kill himself. I remember being pregnant and I get the phone call that he's in the hospital. He's going to the psych ward on a 72-hour hold.
I found out where he is and I get on the phone with him and I'm just like, Hey, you know, like that day I found out where he was and was able to talk to him. Like I had found out we were having a son and I told him on the phone. I'm like, you know, I need you to be around like we're having a son together. And he was just like, I don't care. Like I don't, I don't want to be his dad. And that was
You know, it was heartbreaking. It was really devastating because I saw how much love he had for his daughter. And it was just really challenging for me to understand like how he couldn't want to have that with his son too. And he was fighting so hard during the CPS case for his daughter, you know. So that case ends up getting closed. They award my daughter back to me and like I get custody of her. And I end up like having my son
Sean, you know, he gets off the 72 hour hold. And again, he like just moves back to Missouri at this point, because that's just kind of what he does. Like his mom fully supports his all of his choices he makes. So, you know, I have this, these two kids and like, I'm sober at this point, right? Like life is really fucking amazing. I'm a part of one of those anonymous groups, right? And I'm just I'm happy, like,
I'm really, really genuinely happy. I'm working on myself. I'm a single mom. I'm supporting myself and my kids. And I get a job working for Maricopa County Superior Court. And I love it. You know, it was really challenging and I got to know all kinds of things, right? Like it's in the realm I wanted to be in initially. Like I'm learning about the criminal procedures and the probate, civil, all of it. And it was right at my alley and I
I did very well when I worked there. So when I think my son was about a year old, his dad came back to Arizona and I let him live on my couch at this point. And that was, I mean, that was the start of, I guess, what life had in store for me at that point. About two years into my sobriety, I relapsed with their dad on alcohol.
And I remember he was watching the kids when I was at work one day and he came home and he was like, Hey, I've got something for you. And I went back to my bathroom. He opened up the medicine cabinet and you know, he had the foil and everything ready. And he was like, here. And like nothing in my body could have resisted getting loaded in that moment. You know,
Like something in the rooms like that's heavily coveted is your sobriety date. And they say it's not, but they, but it is. And I had already lost my sobriety date and it was just like, all right, you know, this is what's going to happen. And you know, a couple of weeks later, he shot me up for the first time. And that's when, that's when I, I became like, I was a slave to the drug, you know, I was still working.
for the court system, um, getting loaded, like going on my lunch break to get, to get loaded and coming back, being in the parking lot, you know, and, um, this went on for a while, like eight months. He ended up leaving to go back to Missouri and he like does that, right? Like we'll get loaded together. He'll go to Missouri, get off of the hair, like get off of heroin. And, um, I'm generally left with the kids and a really bad drug habit at that point.
So my lease is up. Isn't it expensive? I mean, I maintained a household. My kids had food in their bellies. They had the lights on. Like everything was at the base level of being maintained. And I was broke all the time. And then he leaves. Yeah. So
There were times right where when I was first getting loaded, like I would start to escort, right? Like that was the perfect way for me to figure out how to make money. Um, I didn't want like pictures and stuff on the internet, but I was okay with using men because at this point I didn't like them. I didn't value men. Um, I had like a huge chip on my shoulder. So if I could just take money from you and give you a piece of me that I don't really care about, it's okay.
And when I got sober that first time, I had like continued to escort and sobriety and that was kind of difficult for me. But like again, I'm a single mom, so I need to be able to like maintain. So that was kind of always my go to when I was getting loaded was to use my body to get what I needed. Um,
But so he leaves my leases up and I ended up moving back into my mom's house and got my mom like she knew she knew she knows about my my drug habit from previously. She doesn't realize that I'm I'm still getting loaded or she just chooses not to see that her daughter has relapsed and is really bad. But during that time when I had moved I got promoted at work.
I'm like a courtroom clerk at this point. So I'm like working, you know, hand in hand with the judge there writing stuff for them, like doing their docket and whatnot. But this is where I just I feel I still have a lot of guilt for what I did there, you know, like I was
I bring all my stuff into the courthouse, you know, like I'd have my, my big cup full of fireball that I would just leave at my desk. So I'd go into the courtroom and I just wouldn't care. You know, it's like, if someone found out, they found out, but like it'd be at my desk and I'd have all the stuff I needed to like cook a shot, do a shot in the bathroom, like go in the parking lot. Like my life revolved around getting loaded.
on my brakes, going out and getting loaded coming back. Like, I don't know how I was able to maintain for as long as I did. Right. It was. Yeah, it was it was it was a very hard time to look back on in my life because I don't approve of the things I did. I don't approve of being in that kind of position and, you know, not being 100% fully there, you know, because like I'm watching
these juveniles get sentenced to like, you know, prison for the next five, six years or going off to rehab or whatever, like they're fighting and I'm sitting there being such a hypocrite getting loaded in front of them, you know? Um, so I ended up, I ended up quitting that job. Um, I had March of 2018, I quit that job.
like cash my 401k out with them. So I had a little bit of money to, to live on for a little bit and to get my drugs and all of that. I ended up moving out of my mom's house again, right? Cause like the thing is when you're an active addiction, you have to move around a lot because the people that you're around are going to start to become pretty aware of what you're doing. And when they start to come to realization, like that's when you need to go. So,
Me being a woman in active addiction doesn't take away from the fact that like, I still have to support two little kids who depend on me and love me. You know, I wish that like, I don't know, people look at women and it's like, Oh, well, you don't have this maternal instinct to just take care of your kids, not get loaded. Like what's wrong with you? And it's, it's like, my first instinct is to get loaded and then to be a mom.
Like it's, it's always been wired that way. And so I do like talking about these certain things because it's important. It's important for women to understand just because we have the ability to have children and then it generally becomes our responsibility to then stick around with them. Doesn't mean that we're exempt from becoming major addicts and eventually dying from this disease, you know?
So it's important. I mean, it's important for me to let other women out there know and parents in general, like this will have this can happen. This does happen on a daily basis. I'm not special. My story is not unique. I'm just willing to talk about it. So quit my job, right? I'm like pretty deep into just getting loaded, working with Pisces, like
Using I wasn't really, I never really dabbled in drug dealing. I mean, like back in the day when I was at ASU when it was like the oxy world, right, like sell some here and there, whatever. But I was always just the user, you know, I couldn't keep enough stock to ever think about becoming a dealer and selling. So I was just connected with some people that were bringing heroin into Arizona.
And I was presented with an opportunity, an opportunity to go down to Mexico to make some money if I were was willing to transport some drugs back. So that already sounds bad. Right. That just the idea of it already is like, oh, this is this is a problem. This could go bad. And it's not like in my head.
I didn't see it as a problem. You know, I'm so far into my addiction and my kids are, my kids are right there with me. You know, I had always like pride in myself, like, Oh, I don't know, my kids never saw me shoot up, but like, they had to live the lifestyle I was living simultaneously. So like, no, that's not okay. And I think it's important for, you know, people like me to look back at the choices that we made and almost
like cringe and be disgusted. And like, it makes me super tearful, you know, like my kids absolutely love me. And I'm like, they're, they're number, they're my number one fan, you know, and they have unconditional love for me. And it's so freaking amazing to see that. And like them having that much love for me has, has made it easy for me to find love for myself without that. I don't know. I don't know where it would be. Um,
But just as looking at it sober, it's like, wow, I mean, I mean, horrible, horrible, horrible choices of a mom. You know, I chose to bring these kids into this world. And I was not doing right by them. But they love the shit out of me. So I was Yeah,
I have a question like one, like I'm, you're saying you were presented. So this is somebody that you're dealing with, uh, that's supplying you. Is this a, I mean, and how is that, how do you even broach that subject? They make it sound like, Oh, it's not a big deal. They put it in the compartment that they've already paid the guard. You drive right through. It's no big deal. We do it all the time. There's no risk. It's the, I mean,
There wasn't like there wasn't a ton of information communicated because a lot of it was just over the phone like I've met these people over the phone right and They were like just come down and we'll we'll talk to you about it when you get here like as minimal information as possible and
You know, and I was like, that's perfect because I don't want to talk about this on the phone. Like I'd rather talk to you in person. And like if something were to happen, like I wouldn't have that much, you know, I wouldn't have a lot of information on the phone. Like I went into this blind a hundred percent and I brought my children with me. Okay. You brought your kids with, okay. So, you know,
We get down there, and I'm probably meeting with just the low man on the totem pole, right? They're kind of explaining to me what they want me to do. They get a vehicle for me. It's at the Yuma border of Arizona, so they bring this truck, right? And they want me to go cross the border to Arizona to get it registered in my name.
So someone else had it registered in their name in Arizona, right? So they gave me the registration. I cross over the border and I get it registered in my name and then they pick up some food, whatever, and cross back over the border. I'm there for about a week and a half. It takes a while. I'm not really understanding why it's taking this long. Not a ton of people know where I'm at. My family definitely doesn't know where I'm at.
My kids, they're
We're just, we're at this hotel basically, right? Like we're just sitting at this hotel. We'll go out once in a while, get food. They'll bring food. Like we go and, you know, walk around and just like explore. So I'm like in my head trying to make this situation as normal as I possibly can. But like me thinking about it and looking back, like it's so triggering because I had just, I had put myself in such a bad situation and
Um, so,
There were conversations about what they would like me to do. My goal in going down to Mexico is just to have conversation. I didn't know if I would actually be transporting at that point. I told them I wasn't ready because we did a couple runs back and forth from Mexico to Arizona just to get the vehicle crossing the border so it didn't look as suspicious when I would cross that first time.
So I remember I had crossed like a third time and this isn't with anything. This is just me going back and forth from Mexico to America. And the third time they sent me to secondary, you know, they weren't buying my story as to why I was in Mexico. So they go to secondary, they haven't got a secondary and they check the vehicle like there's nothing there and they let me go. So I remember going back to them and I'm like, Hey, listen, like this,
This truck isn't going to work. Let's try to do a different vehicle, but this one isn't going to work. They sent me to secondary. They wanted to see if I would get popped as suspicious, and I did. They were like, okay, okay, we're going to figure something out. I remember one night I'm driving the truck and the truck's off. It's driving
It's revving up and then going down and rubbing up and going down. And I tell them about it and they're like, okay, like, well, we're going to take it in and have somebody fix it. And we're going to bring it out, bring it back to you. And you're going to go like you're, you know, we're going to have you leave and we have a different job for you and make okay. So they bring it back, they park it overnight and I wake up the next day and you know, I'm trying to like find drugs most of that day. Right. And I finally get ahold of what I need. And it's later in the day.
And they're like, Okay, well, we need you to leave, you know, it's like 10 o'clock at night. And I'm like, Okay, I just I need to go do something real quick. And I was like, got everything packed up, right? My kids there. And I was going to go pick up from this one guy that I had met down in Mexico. And all of a sudden, they're behind me. You know, like they're they, they knew where I was. And it was really weird. And again, I'm not
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Cross back over. So what they wanted me to do or what they told me they wanted me to do was go back over to America
go buy a new phone, and they were going to text me the address I was going to go to in Arizona to transport money up to Cali. Okay, but at this point, is the drug already packed? I mean, is the truck already packed with drugs? Unbeknownst to me, yes. Okay, right. And which they had it sitting there apparently overnight, all day the next day to the very end of the night.
So like, I don't, I, yeah. Nobody's going to touch that truck. Like they've got people watching the truck. They've got, you know, right. I mean, like I've spoken with lots of people where they just, you know, it's very common for them to, you drop the truck, you drop a vehicle off, somebody picks it up. They bring it back three days later. It's packed. It'll sit there for overnight, maybe two days. You get in it, you drive back, but they have so many people watching those vehicles and just watching like
Nobody's stealing from cartel members in those areas. They're so under control and everybody's on the take. So. Yeah. So, you know, I mean, that's, that's why they knew where it was at. Like that's why, that's how they knew where I was. And I just, I'm just so not willing to see the signs that are in front of me. Well, I don't think anybody would realize how connected they are. And, you know, especially in the, in the state of mind that you're in,
You're a drug addict. You're only focused on maintaining, keeping food in your kid's mouth and maintaining your habit. And honestly, that's probably why they packed the truck because they didn't want you to know because you will be less nervous. You won't be as suspected going through. You're not going to raise any red flags. You think your job is in two days when you bring money here, but really your job is just driving across the border and you didn't realize it.
I can see from their perspective. Yeah. Like explaining the story to people, you know, I don't go into detail and like I'll do podcasts, podcasts and things right now. I'll sometimes depending on the person, right? Like if I don't like the person that's interviewing me, like I'm not going in depth with that because like you'll get a piece of me like that, you know, but when I do,
I explain it, but it's hard doing that on just a one-on-one kind of thing because it's always these million questions where it's like, I don't know. I was not in the right state of mind. They used me as a pawn and it's embarrassing. I made no money from this transaction.
I gave my, I lost my kids. I lost my freedom. I lost everything and I didn't have a stake in it. You know what I mean? I didn't have any money in this. Like nothing was being given to me out of this whole situation. And yeah, I guess, I guess like embarrassing is the number one thing that pops into my mind that like is the feeling that's associated with it. And then shame.
There's something I've had to work on with involving my kids in this shit, you know, so well, you know, I'm sorry. I was just going to say it's it's sometimes the, you know, like it's it's funny how those the worst thing that could possibly happen to you at the moment is very possibly the best thing that could have happened to you in your life. And it just, you know, it takes time to figure that out.
It does. It takes a lot of time. Yeah, so they, yeah, I get my stuff, whatever. I buy my kids like treats and snacks, right, because we're probably driving for a little bit. And I pull up, right, tell them my bullshit story. And they're like, go to secondary. And this is my second time going into secondary, right. So in my head, I'm just like,
This is fine. You know, they're going to do what they did last time. No big deal. And then I will be on my way. Um, that is not what happened. So they brought out the drug dog, like they did the first time and the drug dog hit. And I, I just, you know, they, they happy to get out of the vehicle regardless, but I do remember seeing the drug dog hit go into, I go into like the little holding area, right? Where people wait.
And I remember seeing just a ton of people come out to my truck and they've got this camera and I'm just like, Oh, fuck what's, what's about to happen. And I have, you know, I have drugs on me, got my rig full, ready to go. Like I was fully ready to just transition to the next point of my life. And that's not what happened. Buried by the U S government and ignored by the national media. This is the story they don't want you to know.
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It was the next transition of your life. It wasn't the one you were hoping for at that moment. No, it wasn't. So yeah, I just, they came in and they're like, ma'am, you need to come with us. You're under arrest. And I'm just like, what are you talking about? And they put me in this like holding cell area, right? And my kids are with me and
You know, I'm like trying to hug them and they're like, ma'am, we can either arrest you in front of them or like, we'll take them and we'll, we'll handcuff you and all that. And so I just, I had given them one last hug and they let, walked my kids out and they patted me down, did a search on me and they, they didn't find anything on me.
So they put me back in the cell, right? And they shut the door. And I swear to you, I've like, I've never, I've never felt so free, you know, like the madness and the chaos was over. Cause like to try to maintain a lifestyle where you're a mom, you're an employee, you know, you're doing all these things on top of like shooting up a couple grams of heroin a day, drinking,
and using math, like it's too much, you know, it's, it was, it was a doable thing for a little bit. Um, but I couldn't maintain that lifestyle. So like being arrested, I didn't know what was going to happen to me when that door shut, but like that was freeing. I was done. Like that life was over with that chapter was over. And so like whatever they didn't find on me, like I ended up taking,
and like I didn't realize now because like fentanyl wasn't a thing, but it was a couple of fentanyl pills, a thing of heroin and like a little thing of meth and I just took it all. Like I didn't care. You know, I just, I swallowed what I needed to swallow, snorted what I needed to snort and like I ended up passing out for like an hour and then they woke up and they interrogated me. And so, you know, they woke up and they, they,
graciously and I don't know how this happened, but they were like, who do we need to call to get your kids? And I was just like, you're not, you're not going to call CPS and like, no, like who do we need to call to get your kids? And so that's when they made the phone call to both my parents, you know, and looking back, like there's moments of spiritual awakening and like realizing the things that we put the loved ones, our loved ones through, you know,
and like the crimes we commit or just the just things that we do. And that was one of those moments where thinking about it, like my mom is laying in her bed, it's 12 o'clock at night, and she gets a phone call that like her daughter's just been arrested. And she has to come get her grandkids from Mexico. So it's like I put myself in her position of how she would feel. You know, and it's
That's like those moments are what I needed though. Like I needed, I needed to really see the pain that I caused people. And, um, you know, she, she's like a wonder woman. I love her so much. She's amazing. She no questions asked, got in her car and came and got rescued my kids and like provided a life for them that I wasn't able to give them. You know, she saved my kids from me.
And, um, you know, I got interrogated and they're not really buying my story and I'm not being honest with what's going on. But, you know, when I remember when I first went in there for the interrogation, I sat down and they're like, do you know why you're here? You know, like what, what did your day look like? And I kind of explained my day to them, right. And they're like, well, that doesn't quite add up to what's going on. Like, tell me what happened. And I just, I don't know what went for me. I don't understand.
And they told me, well, we found 32 kilos of meth in your truck. So what you're telling us isn't aligning with what we found in your vehicle. That's a lot. I just, I lost it. I couldn't even comprehend. I couldn't comprehend what they were telling me. You know, I have, I obviously have a lot of remorse and guilt over what happened.
And there's still like some, some things I need to work through, but I didn't realize, I just couldn't comprehend. Didn't make sense to me. And so, you know, I went, got interrogated. Um, I ended up being able to give my kids hugs. Goodbye. They were like very kind to my kids and they were kind to me. They didn't have to be, you know, and, um, I remember the,
the marshal or whoever it was that did my interrogation. He, um, he drove me handcuffed, right? My first time ever being handcuffed, like drove me to the detention center and like processed in that takes forever. And they put me in like a medical holding cell because, um, they knew I was like, hi. And the next day, like I slept all night. I was just so done, so tired. I slept like that whole night and I woke up and
At this point, I'm feeling it from my heroin withdrawal. They box and shackle you up. They send me off to court. I just remember in my head thinking, I think I had to see the judge twice.
For my initial, I can't remember. It's all kind of blurry, but I just, I remember before maybe my first or second hearing that I had that like, okay, cool. This judge is going to let me out. You know, they're going to see that I'm like an upstanding citizen. This is a mistake. This is a mistake. And, but in my head, I was like, I'm going to go back to Mexico. Like I'm going to cross the border. Like my kids are okay. I'm across the border. I'm going to find somebody who has a fucking gun. I'm going to kill somebody.
I'm going to get my stuff and I'm going to cross back over to the border and handle this later. It's not my way of thinking normally. I'm a very rational person and I was going into some really weird, demented, dark places. When I went in for my hearing to figure out if I could get out or whatever, he was just like, yeah, we're transporting you up to Florence, Arizona.
back to like where I lived, right? And that I was going to stay in custody. Rightfully so. I had 89 pounds of meth in my vehicle. Like, I was delusional, delusional. And when I met with the attorney for the first time, right? And they show you that that chart, the breakdown of where you're at. I thought I was
I was gonna say where you fell on the sentencing guidelines. Yeah, there was level 36 or 38. Oh, man. Yeah. So, you know, it was like 188 to like 235 years in prison is what I saw on paper after factoring where I landed. And again, I'm not like months, months.
I mean, I'm sorry, not years, months. Sorry, months. Right. 108 to like 235 months. Yeah. And I remember looking at it, there's only like 42 levels or something, right? Like, not much past where I was at. And it just couldn't comprehend. Yeah, I love it when they say, but if you plead guilty, they'll knock off. If you plead guilty in a timely manner, they'll knock off three levels.
Like there's all these mitigating factors and I'm like, how do I mitigate up to probation? Like, how do I make that my reality? So that was a kick in the gut, you know, and then I got shipped off to Florence, Arizona at CCA over there. And there's like moments and bits and pieces that I like distinctly remember. I remember being box and shackled, you know, in Yuma and like that process of getting, you know, sent out takes forever.
And I'm like day seven or something, day eight of my like detox and I'm still feeling horrible. And there's like three women in this teeny tiny seat made for like one man. And we're all shackled together in like, I just hear all the guys in the back, right? And every one of them speak in Spanish to each other, but like, Oh, what do you think? Is it heroin? Is it meth? Like, what do you think she's detoxing from? I'm just like, this is my personal hell. Okay. This is what I would imagine.
And I went over to CCA and like the federal government out there is contracted with treatment centers. So I did like an interview with one of the treatment centers and they accepted me into their program. You know, I'm a drug addict. So like, you know, all the girls are like, don't, you know, don't go to treatment. Like you want to kill your time. And I'm like, but I, I, I'm not okay.
Being here for four months or being in treatment for four months and then going to prison like I'd rather do that You know, I want to get something out of this experience regardless of if I'm gonna kill my number or not So I went to treatment for four months You know they with like cases like this where it's like trafficking right I got I got indicted for transportation and distribution and
And with cases like that, they just want to keep them moving because they happen so often in Arizona. We're right next to the border. And thank God it was Arizona because our guidelines out here in all the mitigating things I had versus another state, it was night and day difference. My attorney looked at me at the time and she's like, listen, if you were in some state
Midwest state you would have you'd be in prison for at least 10 15 years. Yeah, I was gonna say if you were in Florida, Georgia or something like that or South Carolina like they you're probably going to get 15 years you're going to get the you're going to get the low end of the guidelines which is 180 months in your case. That's it's 15 years. Right.
So I did the drug program for four months here in Arizona called Crossroads. Um, you know, it's, it's very strict, like guidelines. You can't go anywhere, you know? So, um, it was a lot better than being in jail. I can tell you that I spent about a month there and it was just, I don't know, there, there wasn't any progress happening there. So it was like, I want to go somewhere where I'm going to get better and not get worse. Um, and then I pushed my,
initial sentencing off about three months. Um, so I could stay out and have some, some time with my kids. You know, I like made a couple of men's while I was out. It was really challenging. Like I knew I was going to prison. Like there's no way I wasn't going to go to prison with the amount of drugs that I had on me, you know, like regardless of if I knew what, what was going on or not. Like the way it looks is really bad. So like I'm signing a plea agreement and I signed one in December for transport, but it was like a lower, lower level.
Right. And so when they were doing like my pre-sentencing interview, I remember meeting with probation at that time and you know, I sober for a while now. I had some really good people backing me that were in the program. Like I'm really getting into, you know, AA and stuff and, and I'm working at this time. Like somebody was willing to hire me. And so I had like a lot of letters,
to send to the judge, which was really good, honestly. So I met with the probation officer there that was doing my pre-sentencing report, and I went over my whole history, right? Leading up to that point, and it was like, you have, I went to college, I was a good student, I worked for the criminal justice system, I had all these positive things that were going for me, which made it a lot easier on me when it came down to giving me the length of sentence.
I remember my attorney was talking about seven years, and that was before the pre-sentencing interview happened, and I was just like, there's no way. I couldn't conceptualize doing seven years. And in my head, I'm like, okay, maybe three. I could maybe do three years, but like seven? What? And just not understanding
how lucky I am to even hear like seven years is on the table, right? And then we get the PSI back and the probation department was recommending 33 months in prison. And she's like, this is really good. Like normally the judge will, you know, they'll side with what probation wants. And I'm like, okay, but still like, holy sh you know, I've never been in trouble in my whole life, like to go to jail or
They kind of frown on that. They kind of do man. They kind of do. It's weird. It's really weird. But yeah, 33 months and then so February 20th was my sentencing date. So like I was, you know, I was doing a lot of stuff with my kids to come on a little trip prior to like
going into prison, I met some guy, right? And I told him my whole story, like I was very honest. And this is kind of like, I was, I was, I was getting what I needed to get in prior to going to prison, right? And then I got this guy and he was like, let's get married. And this is three months in, right? I'm like, sure, you know, you're a good guy. Like my, my mom needs support. You know, my kids need support. They don't have their dad around like, okay,
And so going into prison, knowing like I might marry somebody, right? And February 20th rolls around and I have my sentencing. And, um, I mean, in the back of my head, I was just like, maybe they'll give me probation. I'm still delusional. I'm still in this mindset. Like, no, I'm, I'm a good person at heart. Like I really am a good person at heart. I've just made some really poor choices. Good people go to jail sometimes.
Yeah, I needed to. So I remember the prosecution said their piece, you know, he wasn't very happy with me. My attorney said her piece and she was actually crying. Like the courtroom was full. It was really it was a good moment because I knew my mom was going to be there. Right. And that day wasn't about me. Like that day was about finding people who could support my mom through watching her daughter get sentenced to prison. It stopped being about me for
like that moment that I got arrested and it became about my family. And so I wanted to make sure she had enough support around her because I knew she would take that the hardest. And my dad didn't end up showing up, which is okay. I understand. And my sister wasn't there. It was my mom's. I had a lot of my really close friends there to help support her through that moment. And
You know, my attorney spoke and she started to cry and then I spoke from the heart, right? And have anything scripted and they just just cried a little bit, but not really, you know, I was, I was strong in my convictions and knowing like this is happening and I made really messed up choices and I'm ready for my consequence. Then the judge spoke and the judge gave me 30 months. So she went lower than the recommended time.
And then, of course, my mom is screaming in the background in the courtroom. And that's, I think, the moment that I really cried. I was just like, wow. OK. So the marshal took me. He's like, I'm not going to handcuff you out here. Brought me back and handcuffed me back there. And he said, I need you to look at me. He's like, I've never seen anybody that's been in your position get that little time. He's like, you need to find gratitude in this whole situation.
And even the judge, when she saw me that day, she like after sentencing me, she's like, listen, Megan, I'm going to be following you. Like I'm going to watch, watch you and see what happens. And like, I never let go of that. Like, I'm so glad she said that because I was just like, I want to prove to you that. Like I can become something, I can become something because of this really crappy situation and I will. And, you know, I went to, I ended up
and then I went to a women's camp here in Arizona. So the did you go to art app? I did. So the camp that I went to was actually the camp that I did a tour on when I was in college. Oh, wow. So that was a really interesting moment going there. But like the camp, I mean, you know, my attorney's like, Megan, you're going to prison, like, okay,
And she said, but you're going to go to a prison where like, you don't really need to be in prison, but like you kind of have to because you did something really messed up. And I'm like, all right. She's like, you'll, you'll be going to a prison camp most likely, right? Most likely in Arizona, as long as there's beds available, which there were. And I got really lucky because like where I went to prison was like in my backyard almost, you know, where I grew up. Right. Like 20 minutes from my mom's house, 20 minutes from my dad's house.
in my backyard. Easy for people to visit. It's nice to be close. Yeah. It's hard driving by it though, you know, I'll say that like, definitely is triggering when I when I have to go up north and it's like, Oh, that's where I was. But uh, so yeah, I got to prison.
And then my attorney obviously recommended that I do RDAP, the judge agreed. And when I got in, it was very interesting because as soon as I landed, because of my sentence, it was low enough. I had the lower sentence of all the women who needed to get into the program. So it was two days in and I was an RDAP. Right there. Right. Immediately. So I didn't make friends right away.
They were not happy with me, you know, and like, I just remember getting there and my my bunkie at the time, Barb Smith, you know, she's like the 70 year old woman who's in there for Medicaid fraud, you know, owes like $6 million to the federal government, like she has dementia, right? You know, there's no way they're getting their money from this woman. But I remember her as my bunkie. And I'm just like, this
This poor woman like she had experienced some pretty, you know, heinous things with other prisons prior to going to that one because she had a pretty significant sentence, but I just like counting my blessings, you know, I'm talking to other women in there and I made the mistake of like explaining my story and like what I did and how much time I got and I explained it to this one woman and she's just like I had
Less than an ounce on me and I got 10 years in prison. What the? And I'm like, okay, I'm not sharing my story anymore. Like no one's going to know that I have this much and got this little amount of time. They're like, who did you snitch on? Like how could you get such little time? And like, that's just how the guidelines are set up. I don't know. Yeah. You drove a car across the border. I know. I mean, I actually, my wife has a friend that same thing.
Same exact thing. It was a car full of meth, drove it across the border, got popped. She got, I don't know, my wife's not here, but I think she got three or four years. Same thing, but same thing when she first got caught, it was massive. But when they really look into it and they start to realize, no, this person was just a mule. They don't know anything.
They don't know they're not a part of the system. They're not a part of the, of the conspiracy as much as they're just a transport. That's like arresting that. And especially, especially in your case, at least in her case, she was conscious that the drug, there were drugs in the vehicle. In your case, you'd been duped, not that you wouldn't have driven it across. Right. But you didn't, you didn't know. Right.
I guess that's where the silver lining for me is and all this stuff where I don't harbor resentments towards them because like if asked, you know, I probably would have. Right. So what did you think of Rdap? Rdap. So I graduated Rdap.
It was interesting. I don't know if it's the same everywhere you go, but it's like, you know, community based therapy, right? So there's 70 women who live in the same unit as you and like, you have to tell on each other. You know, you have to, if you don't, then like you get pulled up or you get sent into the doctor's office and she's just holding them accountable. You're just holding people accountable. You're just, I took it twice.
Oh, never passed it. No, I was good. I was I'm good, though. I like manipulating. Oh, it'll make you it will make you good at manipulating. If you're not good. If you're not going in, you are great at it coming out. Like I really felt like I learned a lot in that program. Mm hmm.
not manipulating because I was already super manipulative. Just I think I think it really helps you figure out how to categorize people, you know, the problem with you and me and and my wife and most of the people I know that went in the program. You know, it was never difficult because the bulk of the people going in that program, like I used to say, look, you know,
They're just trying to get these guys to eat with silverware and say, please, and thank you. So the first, so it was hard for them at the first couple of phases. It was that third phase where they come for the people that are already civilized. You know, that was like that third phase is horrible. And I dropped out of the third phase both times. Oh, really? Well, because by the time I was real quick, because I don't want to make it about me, although I almost always do.
Um, I was really only went in the program because by the time I I got my sentence reduced twice. So by the time my second, my second reduction hit, I was so close to the door going to the program, I didn't get the year off, like I was going to get a couple months off. And it was really just cutting into my halfway house. So I only really went in the program to keep myself
at the prison because I was just like you, you were 20 minutes away. I was one hour away from, from where my mom lived and I didn't want to get moved. So I went in the program to keep myself there. And then as soon as they put like a management variable on me, I dropped out, but it took months. So it was like six months. So the second time then they told me it was going to be on for a year. And I figured I'll be in a halfway house by then.
Three months later, they took it off me. So I immediately, they were like, yeah, we're shipping you to a camp. And I said, no, no, no, listen, I got a problem. I made a mistake dropping out. I have a major problem. I can't be released like this. I can't stop thinking about, you know, drugs and crime and, and I got to go back to the program. So I went back in and convinced them that I'd made a mistake to let me back in. They let me back in nine months. I was, no, I was in there about eight months just before
Like when I dropped out the second time, they were like, what are you doing? What you know, what are you doing? Like you're about to graduate. I was like, ah, listen, I said, it's better I drop out now. I said, we both know that I used to keep them on. I used to fuck with the doctor, all of them so much because I didn't need the year. And I remember I said, listen, we both know I'm coming back. I'm going to need that year the next time.
And they go be honest, let's just be honest. So anyway, I dropped back out. And honestly, within about two months, I was in a halfway house. Okay, like it didn't change anything for me. But I actually liked being in the program because it everybody was very nice. You know, they have to be nice. All the inmates are on their best behavior.
See, my experience was just so much different. It was with women. So like, very different. Like, I mean, they give you the prison rules, right? Like a handbook for prison, and they give you a handbook for ARDAP. And you literally have to abide and uphold these rules. If you watch anybody who's not doing it, then like, you need to pull them up. And if you don't, then you get pulled up yourself, right? It's this whole system of accountability, which I get. And it was the community.
model, which was okay. But my thing, and I told the doctor, I was like, listen, I get it. This is a community based model, but you're wanting me like your community based model is different inside prison, because I'm not on the outside. This is where I sleep. This is where I stay. I'm around these women all day, every day. And I don't want to be, and I don't like most of them. And a lot of them don't like me. So like, I'm not opening up like you want me to.
It just won't happen, you know, and the punishment for that obviously is well, then you can't be in this program. So like I opened up to a certain point, but like I never gave them what they wanted. I would not do it. You know, like I had not, I did not have the best relationships with a lot of these women in there. And I watched as like they were just conniving. They were, it was like high school on steroids almost right. Like these women had,
a lot of time on their hands or they had already had a lot of time on their hands. And now this is like the very end. And it's like, who can I fuck over to take away their time off, you know? And so it was really challenging for me in that program where like I'm like you said, I'm a civilized human being, you know, and some of us were some of us weren't like, it was just like that. So my thing was like, I don't want to become friends with any of you. Like I want to be,
as far removed from where I'm at as possible. So like I'm putting my my headphones in and I'm walking around listening to music or like I'm sticking with an individual person. You know, I don't need the support from these groups. You want to get through that. They fucking hated that. And they like targeted me. I was going to say you weren't being you weren't being present in the program. You were. You had entitlement issues.
Oh, I did. Oh, my I got pulled up so much for that and manipulation and this like, I'm not better than you guys. I just don't want to be a part of anything you have to offer. And if my wife you that's a you problem. Listen, my wife will say my wife will will use those terms every once while she'll say, she'll she'll do the whole Oh, you're suffering from super optimism, or you're suffering from it because she went through it too.
And I would just, you know, I'm like, don't, don't, don't do that. She's like, Oh, you know, you've got title ministry, you know, it's so funny. Oh my God. I will say what I learned, you know, I learned how to give feedback and receive feedback. And that is like one of my superhuman powers now. And it is, you know, it's benefited my life on the outside greatly, especially for the thing, like the job that I have today. It has greatly benefited me.
and just building my self-worth too. You know, I could finally listen to somebody break me down and then tell me how I can fix it, which was really cool. But then there were moments where like, you know, the DTS is right. They, they, I remember Mr. Bruzan, he would come in and his thing was to be like, yeah, you're just a shitty mom. You're a real bad mom, you know?
And that was like, and that's it. Like, this is why you're a bad mom. There was never any like, let's build you up to, to show you why you can be a really good mom or like what made you a good mom or what are good qualities that you have that you can take into becoming a good mom. It was really about, he's a shitty DTS. I'm not, he's just, you know, awful. I remember. So like, I couldn't talk about my crime.
When I was in prison because I couldn't talk about it without talking about my kids involvement. And for me, that was the epitome of being the worst mom in the world. And I remember I would do surface level papers, right? And talk about them. And I remember one day they were like, Hey, you haven't done one yet. You need to do this in this group of 70 women and talk about your paper. Like, okay. And it was like core beliefs, right? And somehow
Like I had talked to a few women there about my crime and that I was really shameful that my children were involved in it. And during that group, one of them just like raises her hand up, right? And I knew what she was going to say because I had like confided in her. You know, I was very shameful of this. This wasn't something I wanted to talk about. And then, you know, she was like, well, weren't your kids with you when you, you know, when you got arrested?
And I just remember I blacked out and I started going at her, not like physically, but like verbally, I was verbally going at her. And then the, you know, DTS at the time was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down this and this. And I just remember from that moment on, I was just like, fuck you, fuck this program. I'm not giving you what you want. That was, that was, that set me back so much in my recovery there.
And, you know, it was just, it was never really addressed, but it was just weird. You know, like the DTS is she went through my emails, right? And she like would be reading them as I'm doing a paper, like talking about like traumas and stuff. And then she was like, Oh, why don't we talk about some of the stuff you in this manner talking about, right? Like bringing it up in the group. Like they were really, there was no boundaries with them.
Yeah, very intrusive. Listen, I remember there was a guy on the phone, you know, they're listening to your phone calls, the guy who was ready to get released and had been, you know, you know, carrying on a relationship with a woman or two women. And one of the women had sent him money. And I mean, a lot of money or two, $3,000 so he could walk out of prison with two or three grand.
and they said you're manipulating both of these women. You need to return the money and you need to tell both of them about the other woman or you could just spend another year in prison. Yeah, he had this so he had to call him both up and explain the situation to both of them. They both lost it had to send the money back the whole thing. I mean, you know, it was it was but here's the thing.
you know, the those the DTS is and the doctors, like the doctor that ran the program in Coleman, or her name was Dr. Smith, like, listen, not always, but almost always, like she could just cut right through see right through you. I mean, she would for for me,
She could see right through me. She could cut straight. I mean, she just, listen, I don't think I ever walked into her office without coming out in tears. Every single time. Horrible, horrible and manipulative. Like she had some, she definitely had some entitlement issues. Um, but yeah, it was, uh, I, I, I really, I'm glad I went to that program. Um, you know, I like, I, thank God I didn't need to pass.
Yeah, you know, if I needed a pass, I think I would have had a drastically different experience. I would have been, you know, because everybody else was just scared all the time. They're always scared. They're always on edge. It was it was agony for most people. But luckily, I didn't I didn't need to be there. You know, I didn't need the gear. And I thought worst, worst case scenario is I get I get recycled. I'm okay with that.
And it was because of that cavalier attitude, I really sailed right through it. And I did virtually nothing. Like my assignments, I almost did no assignments, you're supposed to take all these classes to teach you how to do things. I would, I would actually took my sheet and just sign the name over and the guy's name who's supposed to sign you in. Or I never signed in, I would sign in maybe once and never sign in again, and just acted like I went.
I mean, I just blew and it just nothing seemed to be catching up with me would catch up with other guys. Oh, I see that you skip. Yeah, go last week. And I'm thinking I've never gone. How are they getting him? I've never gone. My books, they never checked my books, even though they would check everybody else's books, they would just never check mine. Because I think the first couple phases, they felt, they felt like Cox has got this down, he's gonna sail through, we'll get him on the third phase.
But I kept dropping out of the third phase because they would never, they can never pull you into the office and give you the verbal lashing that they love to give. Yeah. I saw guys that were just, they just tear them apart. Oh yeah. They've destroyed us in there. It wasn't about building up. It's literally just like, this is why you are a messed up individual. What are you going to do about it?
And I love them for their harsh reality because it made me fire up even more like you treat me like I'm not even a human. I have made bad choices. But like I'm going to show you why when I get out, I'm going to make so much more money than you do so many more things than you thought I could ever fucking do. And I did that.
I got out and I did that, you know what I mean? So I'm grateful for the motivation they gave me, but also under different circumstances with a different human that could break them and really destroy them. You know, if they don't have the resources, if they don't have just the ability to reach within and over like triumph over things like that, like that could really break somebody.
It's a good program and I'm grateful for it because it taught me about like my thinking patterns. It taught me that I am manipulative, but like I figured out like, Oh, I can use this for good though. You know what I mean? Like they tell you all these like really bad things about yourself. And I kept just being like, I'm never going to get rid of this. Like I'm never not going to be manipulative ever in my life. It's not something I want to get rid of because I like that part of me. I just need to use it for good.
And so I took all those things and just made it into something I can use to benefit me and to benefit other people in my life and to then teach and help others. You know, well, I also think it's good that if you know those things about you, you can stop some there are times when you can stop yourself and say, wow, am I being selfish right now? Like, is that a selfish thing for me to have said? Or, you know, wow, you know what, I'm going to stop here because
that's super narcissistic, and that's a real problem for me, or I'm being overly, you know, arrogant, or I'm not being kind to this person, you know. So if you know those things about you, I'm not saying you can fix them all the time, but you can at least address them and, and some sometimes stop yourself and say, Wow, you know what, where I definitely was not prior to prison. That wasn't even a consideration. It wouldn't have even considered asking you about yourself.
The entire time I was talking to another person and listening to them, I was only waiting for an opportunity to talk about myself. I don't know what you just said. Like that, that's literally you. I could talk to, I had talked, there were times on the street, I would talk to somebody for 30 minutes and walk away and I didn't know anything about that person. I wouldn't even paying attention to what they were saying. I couldn't recall half of what they were saying, but I was really just waiting for an opportunity and interject my something about myself in that conversation.
you know, which is still an issue. But at least now I know it. Or I could try and work on it. But I think I mean, so I mean, obviously, you got you got stuff out of the program, you may not have been happy, but with being there, but you, you clearly did. I got some I got some really good things. Huh? And you got a year off? Well, I got six months off. Ah, so I wasn't
But I wasn't there long enough, right? Like I literally had just gotten into the program and then I did a year of RDAP because I still owed time. So I did a year long program in RDAP and then I got out with six months halfway house, which ended up turning into seven months halfway house. Well, seven months of home confinement. Well, you got seven months in six months. I mean, you got something. That's a Oh, yeah, no, I got that was the whole point. Like that was the goal.
You know, that was the reason behind why I did what I did and go into that. And like, it was a very beneficial thing, but also it was like a selfish motive. You know, like if I finished this program inside and outside of prison, like I can be with my family sooner, you know, I can be with the kids sooner. I can start reaching these goals that I finally have in my life a lot sooner, you know, but I mean, I mean, it's,
still in prison, like I made poor choices. Like I had, I had a girlfriend the majority of the time I was locked up. Um, so that's like not our DAP appropriate. So I was able to keep that relationship on, uh, I was able to keep it out of the treatment programs, uh, knowledge for quite some time on the, on the down low, which is not easy.
It's not easy. The third, my third, you know, part in being in that program, that's where things were like really tough for me. The first two, you know, two portions of it were pretty easy. And then the third is like where they're like, who's this person? Cause she was an RDAP too. We were an RDAP together and we like right across the hallway from each other. And they had no idea until like all these women who really didn't like me,
You know called me out but it was like you can't really do anything like you're not catching me doing anything and me having somebody around a lot is not breaking any rules. So like you can't really tell me what to do. That was that was my thing. It was just kind of my you know, fuck you to the system of like yeah, I'm here but like I'm going to do it on my own terms. I'm going to graduate and I'm going to I'm going to do it in a way where you're going to look at me on the internet one day right and be like, oh my God.
Like I know her. I was an asshole to her, but I know her, you know, but, um, but like I, I went into prison and obviously had this relationship prior to going in. Right. And he, I went in and he had the understanding, like, listen, I, I swing both ways, man. And I'm going to be in here, you know, possibly 30 months, but probably less, like something's going to happen, you know?
He was pretty aware of that and I got really close with this girl when I was locked up and I like connected my fiance right guy was dating at the time I connected him with my best friend on the outs because like she I didn't want her to be lonely right like she was really messed up from me leaving we were really close and I wanted her to be able to have somebody because like she was a recovering addict as well and I didn't want her to relapse well I'm gonna find out like they ended up hooking up and you know
like they were using together and this whole situation was happening and it was really weird like he would bring her to come visit me and I distinctly remember one time like they came up to the prison the two of them right and she was like weird and so was he and he was like hey I think I might just go outside to like let you two talk and I'm like what do you mean and she's like no no like why don't I leave and I'm like what's going on and I was like I
I wanted to see both of you. Like what, what are you talking about? So I'm pretty sure like that was the day they were going to let me know like this is what's going on or they had a guilty conscious or something. But, um, they were both super weird at that point and weren't really picking up my phone calls. So I just, I figured something was going on and I blocked both of them. Like I just stopped talking to them. I blocked them from communicating with me over, um, you know, email and stuff.
And then when I got out, come to find out like they were together and they had like just gotten married when I got out of prison. Whoa. And I remember like, I remember watching Orange is the New Black going in, you know, like trying to, trying to figure out what is the prison all about. And it's, I mean, there are some, you know, there's some truths behind it, but I didn't realize it was going to be so fucking spot on with how my life was going to be when I got out.
They're just funny. The similarities between that show and like what went on, um, like falling in love in prison, you know, did not think that was going to happen. And, um, I did, I did meet some really, really amazing women in there who just like, just like me, you know, had a really bad drug problem and needed the money to get what they needed to get. But also like,
some little fucked up to inside their head, you know, so there are a few women that, um, like to take the girl I was with in prison and then one more person that I stay connected with that are doing well in life, you know, like they took the things that we learned in the program and they applied it to their everyday life and they are doing well. And that program does do well for people. I'm so happy that it does exist, not just for the time off, but like for the really cool things that you get to learn, you know,
So it's definitely beneficial, but it was hard. So when I got out of prison, you know, I'm single at this time, I'm in the halfway house and the halfway house situation was really weird because I got out right when COVID hit. Like I remember hearing about COVID when I was locked up and then I got out and like a few days later, they're like, we're going on lockdown. So for the last year, I'm told you go to the halfway house, you work, you only sleep at the halfway house. That's all you do there. Like,
You work, you sleep in the house, that's it. Don't make friends with anybody, you know what I mean? They're prepping us and it was just like, you didn't go anywhere the first month and a half. You were stuck at the halfway house and it was men and women and it was from all different levels. It wasn't like all the minimum security women are here and minimum security men are here. It's any and all levels except sex offenders are down the road.
So it was uncomfortable, you know, like we're housed with men and women and I, I just stayed in my room until I could work. I was like, I'm not, you know, I don't, I just, I don't understand you and I don't, I'm not where you're at, you know, and I'm not going down to a level where you're at. Like if I don't need to be where you're at, you know,
So I'm just going to stick with myself until I find people I want to be around who like have the same drive motivation that I do that aren't looking at this situation as like a party or I don't know. Like I just, I looked at this as a learning opportunity and a lesson building and a character building opportunity and that was it. And I was never fucking doing this again. Um, so,
When I was able to work, I started like working in treatment, you know, cause I'm like a recovering addict and I always wanted to work in treatment and an opportunity presented itself. So I was on home confinement, right? Like I'm still technically an inmate, but they hired me on and it was like, so thankful and blessed for that. You know, like I had an opportunity to work instantly and like make decent money. I started to, you know,
do overnights as a behavioral health tech at that particular facility. And I stayed three months in the halfway house and then went to home confinement with my mom. And in total, I was on home confinement for seven months, which is a lot. I mean, they have a lot of rules and regulations, but it was all right. You know, it wasn't too bad. Continue to like work in the industry I'm in.
And I just got a raise and like better like promotions, right? Like I went to a different company, got promoted, like went somewhere else, got promoted again. I was doing admissions and case management. I ended up getting off of probation a year and a half early. Like I did everything I was supposed to do to the T. You know, like I'm still afraid to speed today. I don't even want to like jaywalk. You know what I mean?
It's kind of instilled a fear in me of doing something wrong and being triggered that I'm a shameful person kind of thing. But I started working as business development for a treatment center. So my job was to go around and vet other programs, other treatment centers, other mental health programs, and get referrals in, send referrals out, try to help people get into treatment.
And it was beautiful. I loved it. I loved every minute of it. I loved the one-on-one hands-on with these people. Like early on, my job was like direct patient care. And that was a perfect position for me because I am prime and ready. Like I just did our job. You're not getting anything by me, you know? And I got to help a lot of people. Like I got to help a lot of people just like me and share my experience, strength and hope and let them know like, Hey, I did travel that road.
If you want to do something different, that's great. I have some great tools. Um, but if not, like, you know, what's out there, you know, and, and I was able to make like, um, a name for myself in this industry, like a good name, you know, one where they're like, Oh, Megan racer. Yeah, I know her. She's I love her. Right. Like, Oh, she's really good at what she does. And it's like a male dominated industry.
You know, I thrive in places where people tell me it can't do something. I'm like, great. I'm so glad you did that because I'm going to show you why I can. And, you know, I get to make pretty decent money doing what I do. I get to travel doing what I do. I get to meet tons of people that have lots of letters behind their names. And, you know, I've been to school for years and years and years and I'm respected by them.
And this is such a different, it's just such a transition from where I was almost five years ago. You know, I'm coming up with my five years sober and the five years to the day that I was arrested in July. And it just, it kind of amazes me because I spent 14 months total locked up, right? And that's with like detention and prison and all that, like 14 months on a 30 month sentence with then seven months home confinement.
And from the time I was arrested in 2018 in July to now, I'm kind of shocked. I'm shocked at the things I was able to make happen. Where people find excuses, I find reasons to push harder. And I love having motivated people around me that are just like that. I love people who have stories and pasts and they have a history
with being knocked down and getting back up. Like those are the most, those are the people I want to work with. That's the person I want to work side by side with, you know, like the owner of the company I worked for has spent a good portion of his life in prison. And that was like, Oh my God, you know, and he's just a smart, genuine, like good hearted, good morals and value kind of person. It was just like, you're my new mentor.
You know, like you did this really fucked up kind of crazy stuff and early on and, and now you're like doing something with it. You're making a difference. You're helping people. Like you're helping moms and dads get their daughters back and their sons back. And that's so important to me. And I don't, I wouldn't have been able to get to this point and make an impact like I do without, like you said, without getting arrested that day.
If I wasn't arrested, I probably wouldn't have made it. I was shooting up a couple grams of heroin a day. It was a bad meth habit. If I didn't kill myself, I probably would have put my kids in harm's way and harmed them. God intervened in that moment and was like, you're going to have to go through all this pain, Megan, but the fruits of your labor are going to pay off. It's just going to take time.
You know, you're just going to have to suck it up and be okay with feeling uncomfortable for a while. But no, like your kids love you. Your mom, your parents love you. Like I've been able to help my stepdad get sober because of like the journey I took, you know, like he reached out one day and was like, I need help. I can't do this anymore. Like my sister reached out to me for help. I've been able to show my family like you can rely on me.
You know, that's right there. Like I never thought that was possible from the past that I had and the crap that I did to like how my family loved me that much to trust me like that. I appreciate you, you know, being interviewed, you know, coming on the show, I guess, even though you're not really on the show, you're sitting in your office. But I do appreciate you, you know,
Spending this time and going through everything and going through the story. If you know, is there anything else you want to anything else you could think of? I think that I think that's my life. It's really. No, it's less like bad. It sounds, you know, but that's it. No, it's good. Yeah, it's good there. You know, there were no car chases.
You know, there was no shootouts, there was no, you know, not as exciting as you know, some of the guys, but you know, it's good. It's good. I'm Yeah, no, it definitely is definitely a situation that that you that you definitely got through and it was it's definitely an inspiring story. And I'm glad things worked out. And I'm sure they're going to continue to work out.
Hey, I appreciate you guys watching. Do me a favor, subscribe, hit the bell, leave me a comment and check the description for Megan's LinkedIn. I hope you guys like the podcast and I really appreciate it. See you.
It started with a scream inside a quiet Maryland home.
A mother trying to protect the family dog and her son in the grip of a violent hallucinogenic rage. By the time it was over, she was dead, and he claimed LSD made him do it. His name, David Minor IV, and we talked to him. Listen to Invisible Choir every other week as we uncover the most haunting true crimes you've never heard of, available wherever you get your podcasts.
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"text": " Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy. They work with many insurance companies and most people with insurance pay zero dollars for therapy or psychiatry. You can change your provider for free. This helps you find the licensed therapist who fits your needs the best. Therapy can be costly, but part of the mission of Talkspace is to provide quality care that is accessible and affordable whether or not you are insured. Talkspace makes getting the help you need easy. Let me tell you more about why I love Talkspace."
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"text": " I learned that talking things out can change your whole life. When I finally opened up about my past, it helped me understand myself and make better choices. As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off of your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com slash podcast and enter promo code SPACE80. That's S-P-A-C-E 8-0. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com slash"
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"text": " Hi, I'm Jean Chatsky. You may know me as the host of the Her Money podcast or the financial editor of NBC's Today Show for 25 years."
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"text": " It started with a scream inside a quiet Maryland home."
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"text": " A mother trying to protect the family dog and her son in the grip of a violent hallucinogenic rage. By the time it was over, she was dead, and he claimed LSD made him do it. His name, David Minor IV, and we talked to him. Listen to Invisible Choir every other week as we uncover the most haunting true crimes you've never heard of, available wherever you get your podcasts."
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"text": " I learned at a young age that if I say the right things and I do the right things, then I can get away with things. When I was first getting loaded, like I would start to escort, right? Like that was the perfect way for me to figure out how to make money. I remember looking down at the right. And I just thought like, wow. And I got these butterflies, you know, and up to this point, I was very anti doing anything like that. And I just remember getting these butterflies."
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"text": " and I look down again and I'm like, man, I don't think that's going to be enough for tonight. My first instinct is to get loaded and then to be a mom. Like it's, it's always been wired that way. And I was presented with an opportunity, um, an opportunity to go down to Mexico to make some money. If I were, was willing to transport some drugs back 12 o'clock at night and she gets a phone call that like her daughter's just been arrested."
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"text": " Hey, this is Matt Cox and I'm here with Megan Racer and we're going to be talking about her story. So check out the interview and do me a favor. If you haven't subscribed, please subscribe."
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"text": " Hit the bell so you get notified and leave me a comment. And if you like the video, share it. So check out the interview. So let's go ahead and just kind of start from, you know, the beginning, which is like, you know, like, where were you born? Brothers, sisters, you know, parents, were they in the picture, that sort of thing? Okay, yeah. I was born in Phoenix, Arizona. I've been out here. I'm still in Arizona my whole life. My parents were both born out here. My kids were born out here. So"
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"text": " I have three generations worth of people living in Arizona. I have one sister who's about seven years younger than I am. So I started my addiction journey much sooner than she did, but we're both in recovery and are sober today. But I grew up with both my parents in the household."
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"text": " The house was, I mean, my house was loving, you know, like I knew my parents loved me and I knew that they could provide well for me. And there just wasn't like connection, you know, there wasn't a lot of emotional connection going on in my household. And for me, it was a really challenging thing as an adult to start then forming those connections with people, especially even after having kids, you know, it was this cycle that I had to consciously break."
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"text": " You know, autism runs in my family, and I'm 100% sure my dad's just undiagnosed on the autism spectrum. So as much as he was able to provide and he was a good provider, he just emotionally wasn't available, very hyper focused on specific topics. And you know, he's very angry. So"
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"text": " Having a connection with him was like, okay, we ride dirt bikes together and, you know, we go to the lake and we do all these activities, but that was like very surface level. You know, there weren't any intimate conversations happening in my household between myself and my parents. The situation was a little different with my sister. You know, she had a good connection with my mom. I more so had a connection with my dad on the level of like, we really liked extreme sports. We were both adrenaline junkies together."
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"text": " And so the relationship with my mom didn't start to form until I was in my 30s. The one piece in my family that held us all together was my grandmother. And she was that one person that I had first initially connected with in my life. She was just a great woman. She loved me."
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"text": " For all of my imperfections and some bad behaviors that I had or whatever, she always showed me just genuine love. I take that into the relationships and into my value system today. It was hard. She passed away when I was about 17, so my connection with my family, I felt like I wasn't a part of it anymore. After she had passed away, I was like,"
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"text": " Junior in high school, right, and I'm still trying to like figure myself out. I don't really have like strong connections or bonds with people. And just yeah, connecting in general was really challenging for me. I didn't have a lot of self worth growing up, you know, my mom was very self conscious and really hard on herself. So that, you know, that came across to my sister and I."
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"text": " Um, like we were at a, we're all hanging out recently, right? We're at this pool party, like a family function and my sister and I, you know, we're both sitting there fully clothed, everyone else is swimming and we're both like, no, we're not going to get in the pool. Like, um, just still to this day, it's, it's, it's kind of a challenging thing to get through and it's definitely, you know, learn behaviors and we've identified it and like communicated through that, but, um, it was just really challenging. So,"
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"text": " When I turned 18, I met a man that was significantly older than I was, and I fell head over heels for this person. Up to that point, I had been a really good student. I graduated high school, I think a 3.7 GPA, and I went to college, went to Arizona State University for criminal justice because"
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"text": " I really wanted to be an attorney. I really liked arguing. I could convince people. One of my special talents has always been to influence. I used it as manipulation when I was younger, but to influence or guide people into my belief system or ways of thinking."
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"text": " And so just being an attorney just sounded like the perfect path for me. Like I really got into criminal justice and I did some tours at some prisons out here in Arizona. I went to like, I saw Tent City when Sheriff Joe was the sheriff out here at a time. And I just, I remember I went to a federal camp because we were like learning the difference between state and federal in one of our college classes, right?"
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"text": " There's a medium security men's prison out here in Arizona, and there's a minimum security prison, and that's the one that we went and toured. So I just remember specifically going out there and seeing all these women who were outside the fence. And I'm just like, this is so weird. They're driving around. They have jobs outside of the prison."
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"text": " and that was kind of like my first introduction in a roundabout way into prison. You know, I really loved and advocated for reentry programs and like my heart was in the criminal justice system and I just couldn't really comprehend how different that would look for me, you know, 10 years later down the road. Yeah, so, you know, I'm going to college and"
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"text": " I'm in this relationship with this man who's kind of introducing me to life. You know, I was very young, very naive, again, didn't make a ton of connections. So like, I didn't have a lot of opportunities to make bad choices. I mean, I kind of take that back. I got my first like criminal justice experience was as like a 16 year old girl, I was shoplifting. And I just like, like"
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"text": " got like a high off of it, you know, I had never gotten caught prior to that moment. And I was at, I forget, like Macy's or something. And, you know, I'm putting stuff in my bag, and I'm in the dressing room, right. And they they definitely caught me, they pulled me back inside read me my rights. And I was just like, this is, this is gonna suck. Going home to my mom is going to be really interesting."
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"text": " and like she gave me that line, like, I'm not mad. I'm just super disappointed in the choices that you made. Very mom. It's such a mom thing to say. And here, but this is my like introduction into getting in trouble, right? Like my mom paid for my fines. You know, I was working at the time. It always worked a job, but she paid for my fines. Um,"
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"text": " I got diversion court because I was a juvenile. So like there isn't really any record of me committing this crime. I just had to do some community service and call it a day. And so, you know, I learned at a young age that if I say the right things and I do the right things, then I can get away with things, you know, and, and that's kind of how I lived my life for a long time was being able to talk my way out of something or presenting myself in a certain way or looking a certain way."
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"text": " and things won't be so bad for me. I was working a job, it was probably 16, around the same time. I was working at Walgreens and I remember a friend, she was like, okay, so I want to go buy shoes. I was like, perfect. I asked my mom for some cash and she gave me a couple hundred dollars. I remember my friend's like, well, let's see if we can get some more money. We can buy more shoes. I'm like, perfect."
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"text": " So she was working the register that day and I was like buying something right and she was just going to slip me more money back for change than like I was supposed to get so that that happened we got the shoes and you know they ended up calling the cops and like I told them exactly what happened you know and I I just got fired and there wasn't any charges like nothing happened so again I'm like I'm"
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"text": " diverting from getting in trouble for doing anything. I mean, it felt like I got in trouble because I got fired. But like looking back at it, you know, other people probably would have had some criminal repercussions for doing something like that. Did your did your parents find out about that? Yeah, they found out about that the store ended up calling them because I was I was still a minor. Right. So I mean, I bullshitted. I"
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"text": " you know, I skirted around what really happened and I lied about it and same situation, you know, with me shoplifting, I always put it off on someone else like, Oh, well, they told me to do it or, you know, like they, they were doing it. So I felt like I could do it cause it was okay. And like, I know, you know, I grew up in a good household where we knew right from wrong or like our basis of what right and wrong is and stealing is not okay."
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"text": " But it was just like, but I think I can get away with it. I think I can use my words in order to fix the situation. I don't think I'm a good criminal by any means, but I think if I do get in trouble, then that's where I shine. Let me show you that I can make this better. That's not the time to shine."
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"text": " I liked the adrenaline again, I was just kind of driven by adrenaline. And like, again, riding motorcycles was just this high that I got and like, you know, I can I can beat you, you know, we'd ride with like the adults and, and that was that was really fun to me. So I was always chasing some kind of high to get outside of myself. And then"
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"text": " Um, like partying when I was young, like, uh, alcohol. I mean, we're in Arizona or by a lot of lakes. There's a lot of house parties, a lot of desert parties that go on, you know? And so alcohol was always prevalent in my life. It was acceptable to drink as a young, um, you know, an older adolescent, right? It was okay. Like it was getting drunk with my parents' friends and there was never like a situation where, you know, I was punished. It was like, Hey, how does throwing up the next day? Like that's your punishment."
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"text": " Did your parents have any addiction, like an alcohol problem or anything? Not my dad. It was just prevalent. It was just around. Yeah, it was prevalent. So, you know, my mom isn't an alcoholic. I wouldn't call her an alcoholic. I would say she was more of a problem drinker. You know, she wasn't happy in her marriage."
},
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"end_time": 955.384,
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"text": " And I knew that and at like a young age, it was like, why are you guys married? You know, it was very like very analytical and like literal, like you guys don't look happy. You should probably divorce, you know, and that word was talked about, right? So I knew what it meant. And I'm just like, yeah, that makes sense. Like you guys aren't happy. You should probably divorce. And so I think my mom used alcohol to solve a lot of her problems, but I don't think she has that gene to where"
},
{
"end_time": 986.51,
"index": 35,
"start_time": 956.715,
"text": " it I don't think she has the more gene right where you have to keep going right go implode your life like she's been employed with Wells Fargo for 40 years now you know to maintain a household she's she's functional in in her drinking but it has been a problem and I don't think she could see my issues because like drinking was really acceptable you know but like your 16 year old daughter shouldn't be drinking"
},
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"end_time": 1016.681,
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"start_time": 986.971,
"text": " so much that she's blacking out. Right. And then, you know, throwing up the next day, like that's not okay. Okay. Um, so, um, I, I did have a couple instances, obviously, like when I was younger that I got in trouble, but I never saw myself like living that way. I guess I, I always saw myself as a good kid who just"
},
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"text": " It started with a scream inside a quiet Maryland home. A mother trying to protect the family dog and her son in the grip of a violent hallucinogenic rage."
},
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"start_time": 1046.954,
"text": " By the time it was over, she was dead, and he claimed LSD made him do it. His name, David Minor the Fourth, and we talked to him. Listen to Invisible Choir every other week as we uncover the most haunting true crimes you've never heard of, available wherever you get your podcasts. I'm like, I'm very, um,"
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"text": " have low self esteem, low self worth, like I really put everything that I am into a man. And this is after losing the connection with my grandmother. And I finally felt like, Oh, my gosh, you know, I have a connection again, to another person. And this is this is what I've been seeking. You know, connection has always been the thing that I've wanted in my life. And I thought I had found it with him. And he was the one that introduced me, you know, to drugs."
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"text": " Like, um, I always drank, but I didn't, I was like, no, no, no, I'll never ever touch that stuff. You know, I was very adamant that I wouldn't. Um, but when I was 18 and, you know, I just, I remember one night we're living together and he comes home pretty late, you know, and I didn't really know what he was doing a lot of the time, but he came home pretty late and he lays down this spread, right. And he just has like this decent size, you know, mound of cocaine."
},
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"text": " and he has opiates with him. And I just remember him, I remember looking down at the cocaine rate and I just saw like, wow, and I got these butterflies, you know, and up to this point, I was very anti doing anything like that. And I just remember getting these butterflies and I looked down again and I'm like, man, I don't think that's going to be enough for tonight."
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"text": " Using forgeries and bogus identities, Matthew B. Cox, one of the most ingenious con men in history, built America's biggest banks out of millions"
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"text": " Despite numerous encounters with bank security, state, and federal authorities, Cox narrowly, and quite luckily, avoided capture for years. Eventually, he topped the U.S. Secret Service's most wanted list and led the U.S. Marshals, FBI, and Secret Service on a three-year chase, while jet-setting around the world with his attractive female accomplices."
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"start_time": 1214.718,
"text": " Cox has been declared one of the most prolific mortgage fraud con artists of all time by CNBC's American Greed. Bloomberg Businessweek called him the mortgage industry's worst nightmare, while Dateline NBC described Cox as a gifted forger and silver-tongued liar. Playboy Magazine proclaimed his scam was real estate fraud, and he was the best. Shark in the Housing Pool"
},
{
"end_time": 1273.046,
"index": 45,
"start_time": 1243.729,
"text": " is Cox's exhilarating first person account of his stranger than fiction story available now on Amazon and Audible. And like that was, you know, that was the start of the obsession. Like that's 18 years old, that obsessive thinking kicked in immediately after I took that first line. And, you know, um, the next drug that he had introduced was opiates. And he's just like, you know, take a piece of this and"
},
{
"end_time": 1303.524,
"index": 46,
"start_time": 1274.189,
"text": " Took half of it, swallowed it and it was like, Oh, this is how people live. Like this is, this is how I'm supposed to feel. You know, it was like I was home in my body. Um, cause I had always felt like a foreign entity inside of my body and like didn't really understand why it was here. Couldn't really connect again. And like drugs became this perfect place for me to just be me, you know,"
},
{
"end_time": 1326.22,
"index": 47,
"start_time": 1304.241,
"text": " What did this guy do for a living? So he was a millwright, a union millwright. So when we first got together, he had started his apprenticeship with the millwright union. And so he didn't make a lot of money. He worked a lot in, you know, I helped support through some things."
},
{
"end_time": 1356.544,
"index": 48,
"start_time": 1326.732,
"text": " But, um, he worked once he got into the profession and, you know, became a journeyman. Like he was working, you know, seven days a week, 12 hours a day for months on end. So drugs, that was just the perfect world. Like most of the people that work like that are getting loaded. Right. Yeah. So, and to me, like I didn't know that previously, cause again, he's much older than I am. I didn't know that he had a drug problem before we even got to know each other."
},
{
"end_time": 1386.937,
"index": 49,
"start_time": 1356.937,
"text": " How much older? At 18, yes."
},
{
"end_time": 1417.108,
"index": 50,
"start_time": 1387.159,
"text": " that we have in common. I was an easy target to manipulate news. He wanted to live a lifestyle where I didn't ask a lot of questions, and I didn't. That was my introduction into the drug world. He was basically my dealer at that point. I kind of depended on him to get what I needed, but I didn't ask."
},
{
"end_time": 1443.814,
"index": 51,
"start_time": 1417.5,
"text": " You know, like I knew in my brain, like how much I had obsessed over it. And I was just like, okay, just wait until he brings it up. Wait till he brings it to you. Don't ever ask. You know what I mean? Like it was, it was these steps of the, the yet's I guess, where it's like, I'm not to the point where I have to ask and make something like this happen. Like I'll just let him have it happen versus like,"
},
{
"end_time": 1470.299,
"index": 52,
"start_time": 1444.48,
"text": " Becoming, you know later in life this heroin IV user who's seeking drugs every day I just knew that I could get to that point and I didn't want to get there Right. All right. So did you end up graduating school or Right. So I was with this person for three years. We were engaged to get married, you know, like"
},
{
"end_time": 1499.821,
"index": 53,
"start_time": 1470.606,
"text": " had a really fantastic relationship with his family. He was from back East. So we'd go out there a lot and hang out. Um, and you know, again, there were a lot of firsts of this guy. So he was my first like abusive relationship, you know, um, the first time he had ever put his hands on me, we weren't doing that great. And I, again, I don't realize like he's got a drug problem at this point. Like I don't understand this world yet. Still pretty naive, but like we get high together sometimes, you know,"
},
{
"end_time": 1529.65,
"index": 54,
"start_time": 1500.486,
"text": " And so we go to Mexico and like he's on steroids, he's creating, like he's making his own steroids, right? So he's big guy, pretty angry at some points. And we go to Mexico just to kind of have a vacation because he's working a lot. And, you know, he gets really, really drunk and he's probably on other stuff. And I just remember him getting really angry at me and we're in our room and he just grabs me by the throat, pushes me up against the wall and done like five eight."
},
{
"end_time": 1559.428,
"index": 55,
"start_time": 1530.077,
"text": " Right? Like he's a strong guy and I remember him holding me there with his arm back and I'm just like, there's nothing I can do about it. And he lets me go and I run out of the room and I go downstairs and it's like nighttime and I'm sitting on this bench just crying hysterically and like somebody comes up to me and they're like, Hey, do you need something? And for me, it's like, I was taught like, you don't talk about shit. You know, you don't talk about these things."
},
{
"end_time": 1589.48,
"index": 56,
"start_time": 1560.299,
"text": " And so I just, I was no, I'm okay. And I cried a little bit more and then I went back up to the bedroom. He was like laying down, passed out and I just fell asleep and like it was never talked about, you know, like situations like that would happen. And it just didn't get talked about between him and I, because I don't want to bring it up. I know he's not bringing it up and I'm not telling my family, you know, we don't have a relationship like that where I feel like I can."
},
{
"end_time": 1617.5,
"index": 57,
"start_time": 1590.179,
"text": " or even, even knowing that's an option. But, um, so a couple other instances happened with him. I was going to say bringing it up could just spark another instant, another incident, another incident, you know? So I get not bringing it up. Yeah. And he just, you know, he's a very smart man, very charismatic, um,"
},
{
"end_time": 1645.299,
"index": 58,
"start_time": 1617.978,
"text": " came off very kind and loving and behind closed doors, it was just a very different situation, you know, and you add drugs into that. And I'm sure drugs had a lot to do with his outbursts and his anger and his frustration, but it's not like it's not an excuse to be a shitty human, you know? Right. So like three years into our relationship, like I should have known he had been cheating and I just didn't want to see the signs."
},
{
"end_time": 1668.268,
"index": 59,
"start_time": 1645.913,
"text": " But he was like a traveling journeyman. So he was in California a lot and I noticed he kept going to this one particular job site a lot and that he had this like new friend who was a female and you know, it wasn't okay if I had men who are friends and he was trying to Create it in a way where it's like no. No, this is just a friend like it's okay for me to do it, but not you"
},
{
"end_time": 1694.121,
"index": 60,
"start_time": 1668.916,
"text": " and a situation and it just, it came down to like, he was, you know, in fact cheating on me with this person that he had met in California. I found out and I had left like as soon as I found out and, um, you know, I was just like, we're done. He's like, okay, we're done. And we had like lived in a house together and he just, he packed his stuff up that week and then moved out to California with her. Um,"
},
{
"end_time": 1721.852,
"index": 61,
"start_time": 1694.718,
"text": " So for me, like I had never really experienced any kind of heartache and I had invested so much of who I am in this person. When he left, it was like, well, I don't know who I am anymore. You know, I couldn't find me for me. So I just remember. Yeah. How did you find out that he was cheating on you? So he came back from California where I knew she was at."
},
{
"end_time": 1750.896,
"index": 62,
"start_time": 1722.295,
"text": " And he kept telling me nothing's going on, nothing's going on, but they kept communicating. So I grabbed his phone and I went through everything and I saw their text messages. I saw, you know, the pictures back and forth. And so that day, like I didn't sleep right the whole night because he was sleeping. And so I went through his phone and I emailed everything to myself. I went to my mom's and I printed it and then I came back to our house."
},
{
"end_time": 1781.101,
"index": 63,
"start_time": 1751.101,
"text": " All the stuff printed right like all the pictures and the messages and I like threw it on the bed and I was like, do you want to tell me about this? You know and and he just Didn't care is like would like it Like he knew he was caught, you know, there wasn't any manipulating or making excuses about it and I just had walked out that day I Spent like a thousand dollars or something in like clothes and stuff at the mall"
},
{
"end_time": 1804.718,
"index": 64,
"start_time": 1781.647,
"text": " And, uh, yeah, I moved out. I had moved out and there wasn't like, let's try to make this work. Let's get back together. Nothing like that. Like he was pretty, um, solid in the choice that he had made to be with her. So that, that, that, that like damaged me, you know?"
},
{
"end_time": 1833.66,
"index": 65,
"start_time": 1805.196,
"text": " I feel like that damaged me more than it really should have. Like most people are like, you know, this sucks and it hurts and like I have heartbreak, but like I don't have to use drugs because somebody was cheating on me and the relationship is over. Like I can, I can grieve properly and then move on with my life. But my, my choice was to start doing drugs more. And so I picked up, um, opiates a lot more once he left."
},
{
"end_time": 1863.541,
"index": 66,
"start_time": 1834.172,
"text": " Um, well, it helps all the pain, you know, it does. It does. It made me feel good. I was like, this, this drug right here is the one thing I feel like I have a solid connection with. And that's not fucking me over in my life. This is perfect. And I could afford it at the time, you know, there were like oxy thirties. Um, and the eighties were around then I get them from like decently, you know, I'd always had decent connections to where it wasn't like super, super expensive."
},
{
"end_time": 1894.514,
"index": 67,
"start_time": 1864.838,
"text": " So I was kind of just doing my own thing for a while. I was in college working at restaurants and stuff. Ended up finding this one guy who was like connected with my ex. Like they worked in the same industry and those guys make pretty good money. Right. And my motivation for being with a man was always like what are you going to do to provide for me or like what kind of drugs are you going to give me. You know there was there was always a motivation for me behind being with somebody."
},
{
"end_time": 1913.968,
"index": 68,
"start_time": 1894.991,
"text": " financial gain drugs that was it and sex like give me those three and that's it that's all I need so with this guy you know he had apparently he was a recovering heroin addict and he ended up relapsing when we were together so"
},
{
"end_time": 1940.981,
"index": 69,
"start_time": 1914.445,
"text": " I have a really good picker at this time. Um, so like I'm, but the thing is like I'm in my addiction too, you know, like I'm sneaking Oxy's behind his back. He's sneaking heroin behind my back. Like there's some abusive moments that happen in this relationship cause I keep finding out he's using heroin and like I'm at this point never had touched that stuff, right? Like it was disgusting to me. I couldn't believe he was doing something like that. Um,"
},
{
"end_time": 1970.299,
"index": 70,
"start_time": 1941.578,
"text": " And I'm like studying for the LSATs. I'm in my senior year of college and I end up leaving him. And again, connecting another man to this one, somebody he grew up with, who is my children's father now. I see him, we all go to a wedding together, right? And I remember my children's father walking into the reception hall and he just has this, I don't give a attitude, right? Doesn't care."
},
{
"end_time": 1973.063,
"index": 71,
"start_time": 1970.93,
"text": " and we're sitting at the bar"
},
{
"end_time": 2003.37,
"index": 72,
"start_time": 1973.49,
"text": " A KFC tale in the pursuit of flavor. The holidays were tricky for the Colonel. He loved people, but he also loved peace and quiet. So he cooked up KFC's 499 Chicken Pot Pie. Warm, flaky, with savory sauce and vegetables. It's a tender chicken-filled excuse to get some time to yourself and step away from decking the halls. Whatever that means. The Colonel lived so we could chicken. KFC's Chicken Pot Pie. The best 499 you'll spend this season. Prices and participation may vary while supplies last. Taxes, tips, and fees extra."
},
{
"end_time": 2031.203,
"index": 73,
"start_time": 2003.37,
"text": " And you know, I'm,"
},
{
"end_time": 2059.872,
"index": 74,
"start_time": 2031.51,
"text": " Kind of with the other person at this point at the wedding, like I'm his date, but I'm also like eyeing my children's father. Right. And so we like connect on Facebook, right? It's like pretty big at the time we connect and he's like living out in the Chandler area right around where Arizona State University kind of is. And I'm out there still going to college. And we, we met up one night, like went on a date."
},
{
"end_time": 2088.763,
"index": 75,
"start_time": 2060.333,
"text": " And I just remember I moved in with him immediately after that. Again, I attach I latch on, because I found out like, oh, you can get me my drugs, like, we had coke, we had Oxy's, like, you know, you get me what I need. What what happened with the other guy? I just I stopped talking to him. Yeah, he he ended up he couldn't maintain sobriety, you know, he couldn't"
},
{
"end_time": 2118.626,
"index": 76,
"start_time": 2088.933,
"text": " keep a needle out of his arm. And I was just like, I can't do this lifestyle. Like I have so much going on behind the scenes. I'm like getting loaded, you know, but in my head, it's like, this is a legal source of drugs and I'm not addicted, but I'm obsessively thinking about it. You know, like that is number one on my mind. It's not school. It's not like anything else but getting loaded. Um, so yeah, he and I stopped talking and I start"
},
{
"end_time": 2148.677,
"index": 77,
"start_time": 2119.053,
"text": " I guess dating, hooking up, whatever you want to call it with my children's father. He's supplying my drug habit at this time. I remember I'm working at Olive Garden and I drive into work one day and so like mental health, right? Like me struggling with my mental health is a huge part of my story and I just didn't know it. Like I didn't understand mental health back then, but I remember walking into work and just like breaking down crying."
},
{
"end_time": 2178.353,
"index": 78,
"start_time": 2149.48,
"text": " And again, like got my drugs with me. So that's good. But like I was just sitting in the back, right? Like behind a table, just bawling my eyes out and like one of our managers sees me and they're like, you need to go home. So I go home and like, I just, I never went back. Like my thing is ghosting, you know, that's been a really hard habit for me to break. It's just like, if I don't want to be somewhere or I get uncomfortable or I don't want to change, I'm gone. So I never went back to that job and that,"
},
{
"end_time": 2208.37,
"index": 79,
"start_time": 2178.985,
"text": " created a big problem for me because like I heavily, heavily depended on their dad at that point, you know, and with school, like I was a senior in college about to get my BA. You said you heavily depended on what? On their, on their dad, on Sean, my, my children's father. Okay. Sorry. I didn't. Uh, so,"
},
{
"end_time": 2235.964,
"index": 80,
"start_time": 2209.889,
"text": " Yeah, I'm in my senior year college and I have one class to graduate to get my bachelor's in criminal justice and then, you know, to go to law school and I quit. I quit my senior year and my drug habit got really, really bad at that point. Is there a specific reason you quit?"
},
{
"end_time": 2265.913,
"index": 81,
"start_time": 2238.558,
"text": " Cause it was getting in the way of my drug using. Okay. I mean, were you failing? You were failing. You just couldn't do both. No, no. I think a lot of it is just a failure to succeed. Again, like I don't, I, I don't think I'm worth much at this point, especially like failed relationship after failed relationship and where I'm putting my worth is in relationships."
},
{
"end_time": 2295.486,
"index": 82,
"start_time": 2266.34,
"text": " So my senior year rolls around and so I do have this bad drug habit, right? I'm living with a man who I don't really like and then I find out I'm pregnant and just a combination of everything. I don't want to do life anymore. I don't want to do this world anymore because the drugs are supposed to make me happy and I'm not happy, you know? And so I go through our pregnancy and it's just tumultuous with him."
},
{
"end_time": 2325.691,
"index": 83,
"start_time": 2296.067,
"text": " You know, he turned, he ended up becoming a heroin addict at this time during my pregnancy. And I'm, I'm trying to quit using Oxy's while I'm pregnant. And it's like, I can't, I can't stop. Um, about seven months into my pregnancy, like we're no longer talking at this time. I'm like back at with, with my mom, I ended up quitting, um, using the opiates at like seven months pregnant with my daughter. And, um,"
},
{
"end_time": 2354.019,
"index": 84,
"start_time": 2326.271,
"text": " I have my daughter at nine months. With my pregnancies, I didn't tell my mom I was pregnant. She didn't like Sean. She never approved of him. Nobody in my family liked him. Nobody's liked any of the men I've been with. I finally tell her around seven months pregnant that I'm like, hey, you're going to have your first grandkid by the way, and it's Sean's. She was just like,"
},
{
"end_time": 2376.937,
"index": 85,
"start_time": 2354.275,
"text": " There wasn't there was never like excitement around my pregnancies. So I guess talking about those things is really hard. It wasn't a fun time for me like being in my 20s and being pregnant, you know, looking back at it now I really missed out like I missed out on on the joy and the looking forward to having a kid because"
},
{
"end_time": 2405.708,
"index": 86,
"start_time": 2377.381,
"text": " I can't get my shit together. My mental health sucks and like I keep wanting to get loaded and now I have a child on the way. Your mom didn't I thought you said like you were living with your mom. She didn't notice you were pregnant. Well, I ended I was about like seven months pregnant when I moved in with her. But no, you can't really tell that I'm pregnant when I'm pregnant. Wow. It takes a while. Okay. Yeah, I just don't really show. Right."
},
{
"end_time": 2434.821,
"index": 87,
"start_time": 2406.425,
"text": " and you know, we don't have this like super tight relationship at this time. So and I thought she would just be angry, you know, I want to I'm people pleaser, you know, like I want to I want to avoid her having hard feelings for as long as I possibly can and then just throw a bomb. So I end up having my daughter it's not really working out living at my mom's so I move in with my cousin, right and and they're"
},
{
"end_time": 2460.947,
"index": 88,
"start_time": 2435.009,
"text": " You know, Sean comes back around their dad and he starts hanging out with me while I'm living with my cousin and he's still using heroin, right? Like he's still getting loaded on a daily basis. I had never tried it at this point. And I remember I would find it like in his truck or hidden somewhere and I would throw it away. He would get so angry at me and I just didn't understand like, why are you getting so angry? It's not that serious."
},
{
"end_time": 2491.305,
"index": 89,
"start_time": 2461.34,
"text": " Like I just didn't know the physical hold that heroin had on your body, not just the mental, spiritual, emotional. It's the physical hold that this drug has. And I remember my daughter was probably like two months old and I remember finding, you know, his drugs in his truck and I took it out and I was just like, you know what? I'm going to do some today. And I told him that I'd found it before he like was off to work or whatever. Right."
},
{
"end_time": 2519.309,
"index": 90,
"start_time": 2491.698,
"text": " And I said, you know, I said, I'm going to do this. And he was like, all right, just give me half of it. You do the other half. Give me some money and I'll pick more up tonight. Like, OK. So that I mean, that started off my like two year heroin vendor with my, you know, small child in my life. There was just a lot of moving from different place to place. I had always maintained a job."
},
{
"end_time": 2549.258,
"index": 91,
"start_time": 2519.616,
"text": " you know, working in like restaurants and stuff. And for some reason, I was able to maintain that and an okay lifestyle for my daughter. But you know, I was degenerate, like I was getting loaded and, and hoping that my daughter was okay. And like a lot of his family would help out with with her. And then it came to the point one day, like he had ended up leaving, leaving us right, because I would"
},
{
"end_time": 2578.541,
"index": 92,
"start_time": 2549.957,
"text": " we would live together and then they wouldn't live together and we lived together and lived with his dad. And he ended up moving back to Missouri with his mom at this point. And I think my daughter's about two and a half and his side of the family called CPS. So CPS gets involved. I can't, you know, I can't test clean to save my life. Like I was very honest with them. They're like, are you getting loaded? And I was like, yeah, absolutely."
},
{
"end_time": 2605.896,
"index": 93,
"start_time": 2579.053,
"text": " Um, and I just kept failing the drug test. So they, um, they opened up a petition through juvenile court and, you know, both dad and I had tested positive for heroin. So we're both, we both had this, um, open petition through CPS and I ended up signing over my rights to my daughter, to the state and to his side of the family. Cause again, I'm not close with my side of the family at this time."
},
{
"end_time": 2632.21,
"index": 94,
"start_time": 2606.766,
"text": " and my daughter knows them a lot better. So I go to rehab. Um, I do really well in rehab and I'm like going back and forth with this case and dad ends up coming back to Arizona from Missouri. Um, I'm about six months sober at this time and we're both like testing at task, which was like a place you'd call, you know, you call, get the number or the color and you'd go in, right?"
},
{
"end_time": 2662.568,
"index": 95,
"start_time": 2632.807,
"text": " Right. So we both got called on the same night. And, you know, I'm sober. He's kind of sober, but he's still like drinking a bunch. And we go and we like have dinner that night. And then we we end up going back to like where he's staying at with his dad and where my daughter's at. And we get pregnant with my son. You need to get that?"
},
{
"end_time": 2689.275,
"index": 96,
"start_time": 2663.268,
"text": " No, it was my son. So we, yeah, we ended up getting pregnant with my son. I'm about six months sober at this point. I let him know a month later when I found out he was just like, I don't, I don't want to have another kid. I'm like, okay, well, I'm not I'm not getting rid of it. Like we're I'm pregnant, I'm having this kid. And it was around"
},
{
"end_time": 2716.254,
"index": 97,
"start_time": 2690.589,
"text": " I found out I was pregnant in January around Cinco de Mayo and we still have this case going on. He's getting loaded at this point. He's going out drinking and doing all that stuff. He tries to kill himself. I remember being pregnant and I get the phone call that he's in the hospital. He's going to the psych ward on a 72-hour hold."
},
{
"end_time": 2741.049,
"index": 98,
"start_time": 2717.073,
"text": " I found out where he is and I get on the phone with him and I'm just like, Hey, you know, like that day I found out where he was and was able to talk to him. Like I had found out we were having a son and I told him on the phone. I'm like, you know, I need you to be around like we're having a son together. And he was just like, I don't care. Like I don't, I don't want to be his dad. And that was"
},
{
"end_time": 2768.37,
"index": 99,
"start_time": 2741.886,
"text": " You know, it was heartbreaking. It was really devastating because I saw how much love he had for his daughter. And it was just really challenging for me to understand like how he couldn't want to have that with his son too. And he was fighting so hard during the CPS case for his daughter, you know. So that case ends up getting closed. They award my daughter back to me and like I get custody of her. And I end up like having my son"
},
{
"end_time": 2796.954,
"index": 100,
"start_time": 2768.78,
"text": " Sean, you know, he gets off the 72 hour hold. And again, he like just moves back to Missouri at this point, because that's just kind of what he does. Like his mom fully supports his all of his choices he makes. So, you know, I have this, these two kids and like, I'm sober at this point, right? Like life is really fucking amazing. I'm a part of one of those anonymous groups, right? And I'm just I'm happy, like,"
},
{
"end_time": 2827.142,
"index": 101,
"start_time": 2797.278,
"text": " I'm really, really genuinely happy. I'm working on myself. I'm a single mom. I'm supporting myself and my kids. And I get a job working for Maricopa County Superior Court. And I love it. You know, it was really challenging and I got to know all kinds of things, right? Like it's in the realm I wanted to be in initially. Like I'm learning about the criminal procedures and the probate, civil, all of it. And it was right at my alley and I"
},
{
"end_time": 2856.715,
"index": 102,
"start_time": 2827.21,
"text": " I did very well when I worked there. So when I think my son was about a year old, his dad came back to Arizona and I let him live on my couch at this point. And that was, I mean, that was the start of, I guess, what life had in store for me at that point. About two years into my sobriety, I relapsed with their dad on alcohol."
},
{
"end_time": 2882.381,
"index": 103,
"start_time": 2857.551,
"text": " And I remember he was watching the kids when I was at work one day and he came home and he was like, Hey, I've got something for you. And I went back to my bathroom. He opened up the medicine cabinet and you know, he had the foil and everything ready. And he was like, here. And like nothing in my body could have resisted getting loaded in that moment. You know,"
},
{
"end_time": 2912.159,
"index": 104,
"start_time": 2883.66,
"text": " Like something in the rooms like that's heavily coveted is your sobriety date. And they say it's not, but they, but it is. And I had already lost my sobriety date and it was just like, all right, you know, this is what's going to happen. And you know, a couple of weeks later, he shot me up for the first time. And that's when, that's when I, I became like, I was a slave to the drug, you know, I was still working."
},
{
"end_time": 2942.005,
"index": 105,
"start_time": 2912.585,
"text": " for the court system, um, getting loaded, like going on my lunch break to get, to get loaded and coming back, being in the parking lot, you know, and, um, this went on for a while, like eight months. He ended up leaving to go back to Missouri and he like does that, right? Like we'll get loaded together. He'll go to Missouri, get off of the hair, like get off of heroin. And, um, I'm generally left with the kids and a really bad drug habit at that point."
},
{
"end_time": 2971.715,
"index": 106,
"start_time": 2943.097,
"text": " So my lease is up. Isn't it expensive? I mean, I maintained a household. My kids had food in their bellies. They had the lights on. Like everything was at the base level of being maintained. And I was broke all the time. And then he leaves. Yeah. So"
},
{
"end_time": 3001.084,
"index": 107,
"start_time": 2972.039,
"text": " There were times right where when I was first getting loaded, like I would start to escort, right? Like that was the perfect way for me to figure out how to make money. Um, I didn't want like pictures and stuff on the internet, but I was okay with using men because at this point I didn't like them. I didn't value men. Um, I had like a huge chip on my shoulder. So if I could just take money from you and give you a piece of me that I don't really care about, it's okay."
},
{
"end_time": 3026.664,
"index": 108,
"start_time": 3001.852,
"text": " And when I got sober that first time, I had like continued to escort and sobriety and that was kind of difficult for me. But like again, I'm a single mom, so I need to be able to like maintain. So that was kind of always my go to when I was getting loaded was to use my body to get what I needed. Um,"
},
{
"end_time": 3056.8,
"index": 109,
"start_time": 3027.961,
"text": " But so he leaves my leases up and I ended up moving back into my mom's house and got my mom like she knew she knew she knows about my my drug habit from previously. She doesn't realize that I'm I'm still getting loaded or she just chooses not to see that her daughter has relapsed and is really bad. But during that time when I had moved I got promoted at work."
},
{
"end_time": 3077.381,
"index": 110,
"start_time": 3058.114,
"text": " I'm like a courtroom clerk at this point. So I'm like working, you know, hand in hand with the judge there writing stuff for them, like doing their docket and whatnot. But this is where I just I feel I still have a lot of guilt for what I did there, you know, like I was"
},
{
"end_time": 3104.292,
"index": 111,
"start_time": 3078.029,
"text": " I bring all my stuff into the courthouse, you know, like I'd have my, my big cup full of fireball that I would just leave at my desk. So I'd go into the courtroom and I just wouldn't care. You know, it's like, if someone found out, they found out, but like it'd be at my desk and I'd have all the stuff I needed to like cook a shot, do a shot in the bathroom, like go in the parking lot. Like my life revolved around getting loaded."
},
{
"end_time": 3134.036,
"index": 112,
"start_time": 3105.213,
"text": " on my brakes, going out and getting loaded coming back. Like, I don't know how I was able to maintain for as long as I did. Right. It was. Yeah, it was it was it was a very hard time to look back on in my life because I don't approve of the things I did. I don't approve of being in that kind of position and, you know, not being 100% fully there, you know, because like I'm watching"
},
{
"end_time": 3163.131,
"index": 113,
"start_time": 3134.497,
"text": " these juveniles get sentenced to like, you know, prison for the next five, six years or going off to rehab or whatever, like they're fighting and I'm sitting there being such a hypocrite getting loaded in front of them, you know? Um, so I ended up, I ended up quitting that job. Um, I had March of 2018, I quit that job."
},
{
"end_time": 3190.538,
"index": 114,
"start_time": 3163.473,
"text": " like cash my 401k out with them. So I had a little bit of money to, to live on for a little bit and to get my drugs and all of that. I ended up moving out of my mom's house again, right? Cause like the thing is when you're an active addiction, you have to move around a lot because the people that you're around are going to start to become pretty aware of what you're doing. And when they start to come to realization, like that's when you need to go. So,"
},
{
"end_time": 3220.162,
"index": 115,
"start_time": 3191.886,
"text": " Me being a woman in active addiction doesn't take away from the fact that like, I still have to support two little kids who depend on me and love me. You know, I wish that like, I don't know, people look at women and it's like, Oh, well, you don't have this maternal instinct to just take care of your kids, not get loaded. Like what's wrong with you? And it's, it's like, my first instinct is to get loaded and then to be a mom."
},
{
"end_time": 3250.145,
"index": 116,
"start_time": 3221.067,
"text": " Like it's, it's always been wired that way. And so I do like talking about these certain things because it's important. It's important for women to understand just because we have the ability to have children and then it generally becomes our responsibility to then stick around with them. Doesn't mean that we're exempt from becoming major addicts and eventually dying from this disease, you know?"
},
{
"end_time": 3278.2,
"index": 117,
"start_time": 3251.22,
"text": " So it's important. I mean, it's important for me to let other women out there know and parents in general, like this will have this can happen. This does happen on a daily basis. I'm not special. My story is not unique. I'm just willing to talk about it. So quit my job, right? I'm like pretty deep into just getting loaded, working with Pisces, like"
},
{
"end_time": 3308.626,
"index": 118,
"start_time": 3280.06,
"text": " Using I wasn't really, I never really dabbled in drug dealing. I mean, like back in the day when I was at ASU when it was like the oxy world, right, like sell some here and there, whatever. But I was always just the user, you know, I couldn't keep enough stock to ever think about becoming a dealer and selling. So I was just connected with some people that were bringing heroin into Arizona."
},
{
"end_time": 3337.654,
"index": 119,
"start_time": 3309.548,
"text": " And I was presented with an opportunity, an opportunity to go down to Mexico to make some money if I were was willing to transport some drugs back. So that already sounds bad. Right. That just the idea of it already is like, oh, this is this is a problem. This could go bad. And it's not like in my head."
},
{
"end_time": 3368.353,
"index": 120,
"start_time": 3338.916,
"text": " I didn't see it as a problem. You know, I'm so far into my addiction and my kids are, my kids are right there with me. You know, I had always like pride in myself, like, Oh, I don't know, my kids never saw me shoot up, but like, they had to live the lifestyle I was living simultaneously. So like, no, that's not okay. And I think it's important for, you know, people like me to look back at the choices that we made and almost"
},
{
"end_time": 3396.783,
"index": 121,
"start_time": 3368.78,
"text": " like cringe and be disgusted. And like, it makes me super tearful, you know, like my kids absolutely love me. And I'm like, they're, they're number, they're my number one fan, you know, and they have unconditional love for me. And it's so freaking amazing to see that. And like them having that much love for me has, has made it easy for me to find love for myself without that. I don't know. I don't know where it would be. Um,"
},
{
"end_time": 3416.988,
"index": 122,
"start_time": 3397.568,
"text": " But just as looking at it sober, it's like, wow, I mean, I mean, horrible, horrible, horrible choices of a mom. You know, I chose to bring these kids into this world. And I was not doing right by them. But they love the shit out of me. So I was Yeah,"
},
{
"end_time": 3442.91,
"index": 123,
"start_time": 3417.722,
"text": " I have a question like one, like I'm, you're saying you were presented. So this is somebody that you're dealing with, uh, that's supplying you. Is this a, I mean, and how is that, how do you even broach that subject? They make it sound like, Oh, it's not a big deal. They put it in the compartment that they've already paid the guard. You drive right through. It's no big deal. We do it all the time. There's no risk. It's the, I mean,"
},
{
"end_time": 3469.821,
"index": 124,
"start_time": 3444.428,
"text": " There wasn't like there wasn't a ton of information communicated because a lot of it was just over the phone like I've met these people over the phone right and They were like just come down and we'll we'll talk to you about it when you get here like as minimal information as possible and"
},
{
"end_time": 3498.865,
"index": 125,
"start_time": 3471.613,
"text": " You know, and I was like, that's perfect because I don't want to talk about this on the phone. Like I'd rather talk to you in person. And like if something were to happen, like I wouldn't have that much, you know, I wouldn't have a lot of information on the phone. Like I went into this blind a hundred percent and I brought my children with me. Okay. You brought your kids with, okay. So, you know,"
},
{
"end_time": 3532.108,
"index": 126,
"start_time": 3502.176,
"text": " We get down there, and I'm probably meeting with just the low man on the totem pole, right? They're kind of explaining to me what they want me to do. They get a vehicle for me. It's at the Yuma border of Arizona, so they bring this truck, right? And they want me to go cross the border to Arizona to get it registered in my name."
},
{
"end_time": 3557.073,
"index": 127,
"start_time": 3532.961,
"text": " So someone else had it registered in their name in Arizona, right? So they gave me the registration. I cross over the border and I get it registered in my name and then they pick up some food, whatever, and cross back over the border. I'm there for about a week and a half. It takes a while. I'm not really understanding why it's taking this long. Not a ton of people know where I'm at. My family definitely doesn't know where I'm at."
},
{
"end_time": 3580.179,
"index": 128,
"start_time": 3557.637,
"text": " My kids, they're"
},
{
"end_time": 3611.084,
"index": 129,
"start_time": 3582.756,
"text": " We're just, we're at this hotel basically, right? Like we're just sitting at this hotel. We'll go out once in a while, get food. They'll bring food. Like we go and, you know, walk around and just like explore. So I'm like in my head trying to make this situation as normal as I possibly can. But like me thinking about it and looking back, like it's so triggering because I had just, I had put myself in such a bad situation and"
},
{
"end_time": 3635.708,
"index": 130,
"start_time": 3611.459,
"text": " Um, so,"
},
{
"end_time": 3665.589,
"index": 131,
"start_time": 3636.254,
"text": " There were conversations about what they would like me to do. My goal in going down to Mexico is just to have conversation. I didn't know if I would actually be transporting at that point. I told them I wasn't ready because we did a couple runs back and forth from Mexico to Arizona just to get the vehicle crossing the border so it didn't look as suspicious when I would cross that first time."
},
{
"end_time": 3694.957,
"index": 132,
"start_time": 3666.613,
"text": " So I remember I had crossed like a third time and this isn't with anything. This is just me going back and forth from Mexico to America. And the third time they sent me to secondary, you know, they weren't buying my story as to why I was in Mexico. So they go to secondary, they haven't got a secondary and they check the vehicle like there's nothing there and they let me go. So I remember going back to them and I'm like, Hey, listen, like this,"
},
{
"end_time": 3723.78,
"index": 133,
"start_time": 3695.418,
"text": " This truck isn't going to work. Let's try to do a different vehicle, but this one isn't going to work. They sent me to secondary. They wanted to see if I would get popped as suspicious, and I did. They were like, okay, okay, we're going to figure something out. I remember one night I'm driving the truck and the truck's off. It's driving"
},
{
"end_time": 3753.968,
"index": 134,
"start_time": 3724.428,
"text": " It's revving up and then going down and rubbing up and going down. And I tell them about it and they're like, okay, like, well, we're going to take it in and have somebody fix it. And we're going to bring it out, bring it back to you. And you're going to go like you're, you know, we're going to have you leave and we have a different job for you and make okay. So they bring it back, they park it overnight and I wake up the next day and you know, I'm trying to like find drugs most of that day. Right. And I finally get ahold of what I need. And it's later in the day."
},
{
"end_time": 3780.725,
"index": 135,
"start_time": 3755.026,
"text": " And they're like, Okay, well, we need you to leave, you know, it's like 10 o'clock at night. And I'm like, Okay, I just I need to go do something real quick. And I was like, got everything packed up, right? My kids there. And I was going to go pick up from this one guy that I had met down in Mexico. And all of a sudden, they're behind me. You know, like they're they, they knew where I was. And it was really weird. And again, I'm not"
},
{
"end_time": 3809.343,
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"start_time": 3780.845,
"text": " This Marshawn beats my old Lynch. Prize pick is making sports season even more fun on prize picks whether"
},
{
"end_time": 3826.459,
"index": 137,
"start_time": 3809.735,
"text": " Football fan, a basketball fan, it always feels good to be ranked. Right now, new users get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. The app is simple to use. Pick two or more players. Pick more or less on their stat projections."
},
{
"end_time": 3841.817,
"index": 138,
"start_time": 3826.459,
"text": " Anything from touchdown to threes, and if you're right, you can win big. Mix and match players from any sport on ProgePix, America's number one daily fantasy sports app. ProgePix is available in 40 plus states including California, Texas,"
},
{
"end_time": 3871.169,
"index": 139,
"start_time": 3842.073,
"text": " With TD Early Pay, you get your paycheck up to two business days early, which means you can grab last-second movie tickets."
},
{
"end_time": 3901.715,
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"start_time": 3871.988,
"text": " Cross back over. So what they wanted me to do or what they told me they wanted me to do was go back over to America"
},
{
"end_time": 3932.517,
"index": 141,
"start_time": 3903.029,
"text": " go buy a new phone, and they were going to text me the address I was going to go to in Arizona to transport money up to Cali. Okay, but at this point, is the drug already packed? I mean, is the truck already packed with drugs? Unbeknownst to me, yes. Okay, right. And which they had it sitting there apparently overnight, all day the next day to the very end of the night."
},
{
"end_time": 3962.585,
"index": 142,
"start_time": 3933.336,
"text": " So like, I don't, I, yeah. Nobody's going to touch that truck. Like they've got people watching the truck. They've got, you know, right. I mean, like I've spoken with lots of people where they just, you know, it's very common for them to, you drop the truck, you drop a vehicle off, somebody picks it up. They bring it back three days later. It's packed. It'll sit there for overnight, maybe two days. You get in it, you drive back, but they have so many people watching those vehicles and just watching like"
},
{
"end_time": 3993.183,
"index": 143,
"start_time": 3963.49,
"text": " Nobody's stealing from cartel members in those areas. They're so under control and everybody's on the take. So. Yeah. So, you know, I mean, that's, that's why they knew where it was at. Like that's why, that's how they knew where I was. And I just, I'm just so not willing to see the signs that are in front of me. Well, I don't think anybody would realize how connected they are. And, you know, especially in the, in the state of mind that you're in,"
},
{
"end_time": 4023.456,
"index": 144,
"start_time": 3993.78,
"text": " You're a drug addict. You're only focused on maintaining, keeping food in your kid's mouth and maintaining your habit. And honestly, that's probably why they packed the truck because they didn't want you to know because you will be less nervous. You won't be as suspected going through. You're not going to raise any red flags. You think your job is in two days when you bring money here, but really your job is just driving across the border and you didn't realize it."
},
{
"end_time": 4045.879,
"index": 145,
"start_time": 4023.916,
"text": " I can see from their perspective. Yeah. Like explaining the story to people, you know, I don't go into detail and like I'll do podcasts, podcasts and things right now. I'll sometimes depending on the person, right? Like if I don't like the person that's interviewing me, like I'm not going in depth with that because like you'll get a piece of me like that, you know, but when I do,"
},
{
"end_time": 4070.828,
"index": 146,
"start_time": 4047.381,
"text": " I explain it, but it's hard doing that on just a one-on-one kind of thing because it's always these million questions where it's like, I don't know. I was not in the right state of mind. They used me as a pawn and it's embarrassing. I made no money from this transaction."
},
{
"end_time": 4099.002,
"index": 147,
"start_time": 4071.374,
"text": " I gave my, I lost my kids. I lost my freedom. I lost everything and I didn't have a stake in it. You know what I mean? I didn't have any money in this. Like nothing was being given to me out of this whole situation. And yeah, I guess, I guess like embarrassing is the number one thing that pops into my mind that like is the feeling that's associated with it. And then shame."
},
{
"end_time": 4126.186,
"index": 148,
"start_time": 4099.855,
"text": " There's something I've had to work on with involving my kids in this shit, you know, so well, you know, I'm sorry. I was just going to say it's it's sometimes the, you know, like it's it's funny how those the worst thing that could possibly happen to you at the moment is very possibly the best thing that could have happened to you in your life. And it just, you know, it takes time to figure that out."
},
{
"end_time": 4156.613,
"index": 149,
"start_time": 4126.988,
"text": " It does. It takes a lot of time. Yeah, so they, yeah, I get my stuff, whatever. I buy my kids like treats and snacks, right, because we're probably driving for a little bit. And I pull up, right, tell them my bullshit story. And they're like, go to secondary. And this is my second time going into secondary, right. So in my head, I'm just like,"
},
{
"end_time": 4186.101,
"index": 150,
"start_time": 4157.022,
"text": " This is fine. You know, they're going to do what they did last time. No big deal. And then I will be on my way. Um, that is not what happened. So they brought out the drug dog, like they did the first time and the drug dog hit. And I, I just, you know, they, they happy to get out of the vehicle regardless, but I do remember seeing the drug dog hit go into, I go into like the little holding area, right? Where people wait."
},
{
"end_time": 4217.125,
"index": 151,
"start_time": 4187.159,
"text": " And I remember seeing just a ton of people come out to my truck and they've got this camera and I'm just like, Oh, fuck what's, what's about to happen. And I have, you know, I have drugs on me, got my rig full, ready to go. Like I was fully ready to just transition to the next point of my life. And that's not what happened. Buried by the U S government and ignored by the national media. This is the story they don't want you to know."
},
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"text": " When Frank Amadeo met with President George W. Bush at the White House to discuss NATO operations in Afghanistan, no one knew that he'd already embezzled nearly $200 million from the federal government, money he intended to use to bankroll his plan to take over the world. From Amadeo's global headquarters in the shadow of Florida's Disney,"
},
{
"end_time": 4267.824,
"index": 153,
"start_time": 4238.933,
"text": " With a nearly inexhaustible supply of the Internal Revenue Service's funds, Amadeo acquired multiple businesses, amassing a mega-conglomerate. Driven by his delusions of world conquest, he negotiated the purchase of a squadron of American fighter jets and the controlling interests in a former Soviet ICBM factory. He began work to build the largest private militia on the planet, over one million Africans strong. Simultaneously,"
},
{
"end_time": 4295.913,
"index": 154,
"start_time": 4268.285,
"text": " Amadeo hired an international black ops force to orchestrate a coup in the Congo, while plotting to take over several small Eastern European countries. The most disturbing part of it all is, had the US government not thwarted his plans, he might have just pulled it off. It's insanity. The bizarre, true story of a bipolar megalomaniac's insane plan for total world domination. Available now on Amazon and Audible."
},
{
"end_time": 4323.933,
"index": 155,
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"text": " It was the next transition of your life. It wasn't the one you were hoping for at that moment. No, it wasn't. So yeah, I just, they came in and they're like, ma'am, you need to come with us. You're under arrest. And I'm just like, what are you talking about? And they put me in this like holding cell area, right? And my kids are with me and"
},
{
"end_time": 4354.002,
"index": 156,
"start_time": 4324.394,
"text": " You know, I'm like trying to hug them and they're like, ma'am, we can either arrest you in front of them or like, we'll take them and we'll, we'll handcuff you and all that. And so I just, I had given them one last hug and they let, walked my kids out and they patted me down, did a search on me and they, they didn't find anything on me."
},
{
"end_time": 4383.422,
"index": 157,
"start_time": 4355.23,
"text": " So they put me back in the cell, right? And they shut the door. And I swear to you, I've like, I've never, I've never felt so free, you know, like the madness and the chaos was over. Cause like to try to maintain a lifestyle where you're a mom, you're an employee, you know, you're doing all these things on top of like shooting up a couple grams of heroin a day, drinking,"
},
{
"end_time": 4413.49,
"index": 158,
"start_time": 4384.411,
"text": " and using math, like it's too much, you know, it's, it was, it was a doable thing for a little bit. Um, but I couldn't maintain that lifestyle. So like being arrested, I didn't know what was going to happen to me when that door shut, but like that was freeing. I was done. Like that life was over with that chapter was over. And so like whatever they didn't find on me, like I ended up taking,"
},
{
"end_time": 4438.831,
"index": 159,
"start_time": 4414.497,
"text": " and like I didn't realize now because like fentanyl wasn't a thing, but it was a couple of fentanyl pills, a thing of heroin and like a little thing of meth and I just took it all. Like I didn't care. You know, I just, I swallowed what I needed to swallow, snorted what I needed to snort and like I ended up passing out for like an hour and then they woke up and they interrogated me. And so, you know, they woke up and they, they,"
},
{
"end_time": 4467.295,
"index": 160,
"start_time": 4439.872,
"text": " graciously and I don't know how this happened, but they were like, who do we need to call to get your kids? And I was just like, you're not, you're not going to call CPS and like, no, like who do we need to call to get your kids? And so that's when they made the phone call to both my parents, you know, and looking back, like there's moments of spiritual awakening and like realizing the things that we put the loved ones, our loved ones through, you know,"
},
{
"end_time": 4497.381,
"index": 161,
"start_time": 4467.944,
"text": " and like the crimes we commit or just the just things that we do. And that was one of those moments where thinking about it, like my mom is laying in her bed, it's 12 o'clock at night, and she gets a phone call that like her daughter's just been arrested. And she has to come get her grandkids from Mexico. So it's like I put myself in her position of how she would feel. You know, and it's"
},
{
"end_time": 4527.654,
"index": 162,
"start_time": 4498.609,
"text": " That's like those moments are what I needed though. Like I needed, I needed to really see the pain that I caused people. And, um, you know, she, she's like a wonder woman. I love her so much. She's amazing. She no questions asked, got in her car and came and got rescued my kids and like provided a life for them that I wasn't able to give them. You know, she saved my kids from me."
},
{
"end_time": 4558.592,
"index": 163,
"start_time": 4529.65,
"text": " And, um, you know, I got interrogated and they're not really buying my story and I'm not being honest with what's going on. But, you know, when I remember when I first went in there for the interrogation, I sat down and they're like, do you know why you're here? You know, like what, what did your day look like? And I kind of explained my day to them, right. And they're like, well, that doesn't quite add up to what's going on. Like, tell me what happened. And I just, I don't know what went for me. I don't understand."
},
{
"end_time": 4588.865,
"index": 164,
"start_time": 4559.343,
"text": " And they told me, well, we found 32 kilos of meth in your truck. So what you're telling us isn't aligning with what we found in your vehicle. That's a lot. I just, I lost it. I couldn't even comprehend. I couldn't comprehend what they were telling me. You know, I have, I obviously have a lot of remorse and guilt over what happened."
},
{
"end_time": 4615.998,
"index": 165,
"start_time": 4589.206,
"text": " And there's still like some, some things I need to work through, but I didn't realize, I just couldn't comprehend. Didn't make sense to me. And so, you know, I went, got interrogated. Um, I ended up being able to give my kids hugs. Goodbye. They were like very kind to my kids and they were kind to me. They didn't have to be, you know, and, um, I remember the,"
},
{
"end_time": 4645.623,
"index": 166,
"start_time": 4616.732,
"text": " the marshal or whoever it was that did my interrogation. He, um, he drove me handcuffed, right? My first time ever being handcuffed, like drove me to the detention center and like processed in that takes forever. And they put me in like a medical holding cell because, um, they knew I was like, hi. And the next day, like I slept all night. I was just so done, so tired. I slept like that whole night and I woke up and"
},
{
"end_time": 4667.244,
"index": 167,
"start_time": 4646.169,
"text": " At this point, I'm feeling it from my heroin withdrawal. They box and shackle you up. They send me off to court. I just remember in my head thinking, I think I had to see the judge twice."
},
{
"end_time": 4697.927,
"index": 168,
"start_time": 4668.217,
"text": " For my initial, I can't remember. It's all kind of blurry, but I just, I remember before maybe my first or second hearing that I had that like, okay, cool. This judge is going to let me out. You know, they're going to see that I'm like an upstanding citizen. This is a mistake. This is a mistake. And, but in my head, I was like, I'm going to go back to Mexico. Like I'm going to cross the border. Like my kids are okay. I'm across the border. I'm going to find somebody who has a fucking gun. I'm going to kill somebody."
},
{
"end_time": 4726.357,
"index": 169,
"start_time": 4698.592,
"text": " I'm going to get my stuff and I'm going to cross back over to the border and handle this later. It's not my way of thinking normally. I'm a very rational person and I was going into some really weird, demented, dark places. When I went in for my hearing to figure out if I could get out or whatever, he was just like, yeah, we're transporting you up to Florence, Arizona."
},
{
"end_time": 4753.439,
"index": 170,
"start_time": 4727.022,
"text": " back to like where I lived, right? And that I was going to stay in custody. Rightfully so. I had 89 pounds of meth in my vehicle. Like, I was delusional, delusional. And when I met with the attorney for the first time, right? And they show you that that chart, the breakdown of where you're at. I thought I was"
},
{
"end_time": 4782.927,
"index": 171,
"start_time": 4754.735,
"text": " I was gonna say where you fell on the sentencing guidelines. Yeah, there was level 36 or 38. Oh, man. Yeah. So, you know, it was like 188 to like 235 years in prison is what I saw on paper after factoring where I landed. And again, I'm not like months, months."
},
{
"end_time": 4811.203,
"index": 172,
"start_time": 4783.268,
"text": " I mean, I'm sorry, not years, months. Sorry, months. Right. 108 to like 235 months. Yeah. And I remember looking at it, there's only like 42 levels or something, right? Like, not much past where I was at. And it just couldn't comprehend. Yeah, I love it when they say, but if you plead guilty, they'll knock off. If you plead guilty in a timely manner, they'll knock off three levels."
},
{
"end_time": 4841.186,
"index": 173,
"start_time": 4811.493,
"text": " Like there's all these mitigating factors and I'm like, how do I mitigate up to probation? Like, how do I make that my reality? So that was a kick in the gut, you know, and then I got shipped off to Florence, Arizona at CCA over there. And there's like moments and bits and pieces that I like distinctly remember. I remember being box and shackled, you know, in Yuma and like that process of getting, you know, sent out takes forever."
},
{
"end_time": 4871.135,
"index": 174,
"start_time": 4841.8,
"text": " And I'm like day seven or something, day eight of my like detox and I'm still feeling horrible. And there's like three women in this teeny tiny seat made for like one man. And we're all shackled together in like, I just hear all the guys in the back, right? And every one of them speak in Spanish to each other, but like, Oh, what do you think? Is it heroin? Is it meth? Like, what do you think she's detoxing from? I'm just like, this is my personal hell. Okay. This is what I would imagine."
},
{
"end_time": 4902.005,
"index": 175,
"start_time": 4872.073,
"text": " And I went over to CCA and like the federal government out there is contracted with treatment centers. So I did like an interview with one of the treatment centers and they accepted me into their program. You know, I'm a drug addict. So like, you know, all the girls are like, don't, you know, don't go to treatment. Like you want to kill your time. And I'm like, but I, I, I'm not okay."
},
{
"end_time": 4928.968,
"index": 176,
"start_time": 4902.568,
"text": " Being here for four months or being in treatment for four months and then going to prison like I'd rather do that You know, I want to get something out of this experience regardless of if I'm gonna kill my number or not So I went to treatment for four months You know they with like cases like this where it's like trafficking right I got I got indicted for transportation and distribution and"
},
{
"end_time": 4955.794,
"index": 177,
"start_time": 4930.179,
"text": " And with cases like that, they just want to keep them moving because they happen so often in Arizona. We're right next to the border. And thank God it was Arizona because our guidelines out here in all the mitigating things I had versus another state, it was night and day difference. My attorney looked at me at the time and she's like, listen, if you were in some state"
},
{
"end_time": 4979.582,
"index": 178,
"start_time": 4956.527,
"text": " Midwest state you would have you'd be in prison for at least 10 15 years. Yeah, I was gonna say if you were in Florida, Georgia or something like that or South Carolina like they you're probably going to get 15 years you're going to get the you're going to get the low end of the guidelines which is 180 months in your case. That's it's 15 years. Right."
},
{
"end_time": 5009.514,
"index": 179,
"start_time": 4981.561,
"text": " So I did the drug program for four months here in Arizona called Crossroads. Um, you know, it's, it's very strict, like guidelines. You can't go anywhere, you know? So, um, it was a lot better than being in jail. I can tell you that I spent about a month there and it was just, I don't know, there, there wasn't any progress happening there. So it was like, I want to go somewhere where I'm going to get better and not get worse. Um, and then I pushed my,"
},
{
"end_time": 5039.821,
"index": 180,
"start_time": 5009.906,
"text": " initial sentencing off about three months. Um, so I could stay out and have some, some time with my kids. You know, I like made a couple of men's while I was out. It was really challenging. Like I knew I was going to prison. Like there's no way I wasn't going to go to prison with the amount of drugs that I had on me, you know, like regardless of if I knew what, what was going on or not. Like the way it looks is really bad. So like I'm signing a plea agreement and I signed one in December for transport, but it was like a lower, lower level."
},
{
"end_time": 5068.592,
"index": 181,
"start_time": 5040.35,
"text": " Right. And so when they were doing like my pre-sentencing interview, I remember meeting with probation at that time and you know, I sober for a while now. I had some really good people backing me that were in the program. Like I'm really getting into, you know, AA and stuff and, and I'm working at this time. Like somebody was willing to hire me. And so I had like a lot of letters,"
},
{
"end_time": 5098.319,
"index": 182,
"start_time": 5069.326,
"text": " to send to the judge, which was really good, honestly. So I met with the probation officer there that was doing my pre-sentencing report, and I went over my whole history, right? Leading up to that point, and it was like, you have, I went to college, I was a good student, I worked for the criminal justice system, I had all these positive things that were going for me, which made it a lot easier on me when it came down to giving me the length of sentence."
},
{
"end_time": 5125.35,
"index": 183,
"start_time": 5099.65,
"text": " I remember my attorney was talking about seven years, and that was before the pre-sentencing interview happened, and I was just like, there's no way. I couldn't conceptualize doing seven years. And in my head, I'm like, okay, maybe three. I could maybe do three years, but like seven? What? And just not understanding"
},
{
"end_time": 5155.128,
"index": 184,
"start_time": 5126.34,
"text": " how lucky I am to even hear like seven years is on the table, right? And then we get the PSI back and the probation department was recommending 33 months in prison. And she's like, this is really good. Like normally the judge will, you know, they'll side with what probation wants. And I'm like, okay, but still like, holy sh you know, I've never been in trouble in my whole life, like to go to jail or"
},
{
"end_time": 5183.49,
"index": 185,
"start_time": 5155.469,
"text": " They kind of frown on that. They kind of do man. They kind of do. It's weird. It's really weird. But yeah, 33 months and then so February 20th was my sentencing date. So like I was, you know, I was doing a lot of stuff with my kids to come on a little trip prior to like"
},
{
"end_time": 5212.21,
"index": 186,
"start_time": 5184.155,
"text": " going into prison, I met some guy, right? And I told him my whole story, like I was very honest. And this is kind of like, I was, I was, I was getting what I needed to get in prior to going to prison, right? And then I got this guy and he was like, let's get married. And this is three months in, right? I'm like, sure, you know, you're a good guy. Like my, my mom needs support. You know, my kids need support. They don't have their dad around like, okay,"
},
{
"end_time": 5243.114,
"index": 187,
"start_time": 5213.268,
"text": " And so going into prison, knowing like I might marry somebody, right? And February 20th rolls around and I have my sentencing. And, um, I mean, in the back of my head, I was just like, maybe they'll give me probation. I'm still delusional. I'm still in this mindset. Like, no, I'm, I'm a good person at heart. Like I really am a good person at heart. I've just made some really poor choices. Good people go to jail sometimes."
},
{
"end_time": 5272.415,
"index": 188,
"start_time": 5243.831,
"text": " Yeah, I needed to. So I remember the prosecution said their piece, you know, he wasn't very happy with me. My attorney said her piece and she was actually crying. Like the courtroom was full. It was really it was a good moment because I knew my mom was going to be there. Right. And that day wasn't about me. Like that day was about finding people who could support my mom through watching her daughter get sentenced to prison. It stopped being about me for"
},
{
"end_time": 5301.544,
"index": 189,
"start_time": 5273.217,
"text": " like that moment that I got arrested and it became about my family. And so I wanted to make sure she had enough support around her because I knew she would take that the hardest. And my dad didn't end up showing up, which is okay. I understand. And my sister wasn't there. It was my mom's. I had a lot of my really close friends there to help support her through that moment. And"
},
{
"end_time": 5325.555,
"index": 190,
"start_time": 5302.09,
"text": " You know, my attorney spoke and she started to cry and then I spoke from the heart, right? And have anything scripted and they just just cried a little bit, but not really, you know, I was, I was strong in my convictions and knowing like this is happening and I made really messed up choices and I'm ready for my consequence. Then the judge spoke and the judge gave me 30 months. So she went lower than the recommended time."
},
{
"end_time": 5356.937,
"index": 191,
"start_time": 5326.988,
"text": " And then, of course, my mom is screaming in the background in the courtroom. And that's, I think, the moment that I really cried. I was just like, wow. OK. So the marshal took me. He's like, I'm not going to handcuff you out here. Brought me back and handcuffed me back there. And he said, I need you to look at me. He's like, I've never seen anybody that's been in your position get that little time. He's like, you need to find gratitude in this whole situation."
},
{
"end_time": 5386.766,
"index": 192,
"start_time": 5358.046,
"text": " And even the judge, when she saw me that day, she like after sentencing me, she's like, listen, Megan, I'm going to be following you. Like I'm going to watch, watch you and see what happens. And like, I never let go of that. Like, I'm so glad she said that because I was just like, I want to prove to you that. Like I can become something, I can become something because of this really crappy situation and I will. And, you know, I went to, I ended up"
},
{
"end_time": 5417.602,
"index": 193,
"start_time": 5389.172,
"text": " and then I went to a women's camp here in Arizona. So the did you go to art app? I did. So the camp that I went to was actually the camp that I did a tour on when I was in college. Oh, wow. So that was a really interesting moment going there. But like the camp, I mean, you know, my attorney's like, Megan, you're going to prison, like, okay,"
},
{
"end_time": 5445.333,
"index": 194,
"start_time": 5418.166,
"text": " And she said, but you're going to go to a prison where like, you don't really need to be in prison, but like you kind of have to because you did something really messed up. And I'm like, all right. She's like, you'll, you'll be going to a prison camp most likely, right? Most likely in Arizona, as long as there's beds available, which there were. And I got really lucky because like where I went to prison was like in my backyard almost, you know, where I grew up. Right. Like 20 minutes from my mom's house, 20 minutes from my dad's house."
},
{
"end_time": 5471.749,
"index": 195,
"start_time": 5447.722,
"text": " in my backyard. Easy for people to visit. It's nice to be close. Yeah. It's hard driving by it though, you know, I'll say that like, definitely is triggering when I when I have to go up north and it's like, Oh, that's where I was. But uh, so yeah, I got to prison."
},
{
"end_time": 5500.418,
"index": 196,
"start_time": 5472.602,
"text": " And then my attorney obviously recommended that I do RDAP, the judge agreed. And when I got in, it was very interesting because as soon as I landed, because of my sentence, it was low enough. I had the lower sentence of all the women who needed to get into the program. So it was two days in and I was an RDAP. Right there. Right. Immediately. So I didn't make friends right away."
},
{
"end_time": 5527.568,
"index": 197,
"start_time": 5500.742,
"text": " They were not happy with me, you know, and like, I just remember getting there and my my bunkie at the time, Barb Smith, you know, she's like the 70 year old woman who's in there for Medicaid fraud, you know, owes like $6 million to the federal government, like she has dementia, right? You know, there's no way they're getting their money from this woman. But I remember her as my bunkie. And I'm just like, this"
},
{
"end_time": 5552.637,
"index": 198,
"start_time": 5528.712,
"text": " This poor woman like she had experienced some pretty, you know, heinous things with other prisons prior to going to that one because she had a pretty significant sentence, but I just like counting my blessings, you know, I'm talking to other women in there and I made the mistake of like explaining my story and like what I did and how much time I got and I explained it to this one woman and she's just like I had"
},
{
"end_time": 5581.647,
"index": 199,
"start_time": 5552.892,
"text": " Less than an ounce on me and I got 10 years in prison. What the? And I'm like, okay, I'm not sharing my story anymore. Like no one's going to know that I have this much and got this little amount of time. They're like, who did you snitch on? Like how could you get such little time? And like, that's just how the guidelines are set up. I don't know. Yeah. You drove a car across the border. I know. I mean, I actually, my wife has a friend that same thing."
},
{
"end_time": 5608.183,
"index": 200,
"start_time": 5582.568,
"text": " Same exact thing. It was a car full of meth, drove it across the border, got popped. She got, I don't know, my wife's not here, but I think she got three or four years. Same thing, but same thing when she first got caught, it was massive. But when they really look into it and they start to realize, no, this person was just a mule. They don't know anything."
},
{
"end_time": 5634.923,
"index": 201,
"start_time": 5608.473,
"text": " They don't know they're not a part of the system. They're not a part of the, of the conspiracy as much as they're just a transport. That's like arresting that. And especially, especially in your case, at least in her case, she was conscious that the drug, there were drugs in the vehicle. In your case, you'd been duped, not that you wouldn't have driven it across. Right. But you didn't, you didn't know. Right."
},
{
"end_time": 5658.507,
"index": 202,
"start_time": 5635.555,
"text": " I guess that's where the silver lining for me is and all this stuff where I don't harbor resentments towards them because like if asked, you know, I probably would have. Right. So what did you think of Rdap? Rdap. So I graduated Rdap."
},
{
"end_time": 5687.978,
"index": 203,
"start_time": 5659.633,
"text": " It was interesting. I don't know if it's the same everywhere you go, but it's like, you know, community based therapy, right? So there's 70 women who live in the same unit as you and like, you have to tell on each other. You know, you have to, if you don't, then like you get pulled up or you get sent into the doctor's office and she's just holding them accountable. You're just holding people accountable. You're just, I took it twice."
},
{
"end_time": 5713.592,
"index": 204,
"start_time": 5688.797,
"text": " Oh, never passed it. No, I was good. I was I'm good, though. I like manipulating. Oh, it'll make you it will make you good at manipulating. If you're not good. If you're not going in, you are great at it coming out. Like I really felt like I learned a lot in that program. Mm hmm."
},
{
"end_time": 5741.647,
"index": 205,
"start_time": 5713.968,
"text": " not manipulating because I was already super manipulative. Just I think I think it really helps you figure out how to categorize people, you know, the problem with you and me and and my wife and most of the people I know that went in the program. You know, it was never difficult because the bulk of the people going in that program, like I used to say, look, you know,"
},
{
"end_time": 5771.954,
"index": 206,
"start_time": 5742.142,
"text": " They're just trying to get these guys to eat with silverware and say, please, and thank you. So the first, so it was hard for them at the first couple of phases. It was that third phase where they come for the people that are already civilized. You know, that was like that third phase is horrible. And I dropped out of the third phase both times. Oh, really? Well, because by the time I was real quick, because I don't want to make it about me, although I almost always do."
},
{
"end_time": 5801.459,
"index": 207,
"start_time": 5772.398,
"text": " Um, I was really only went in the program because by the time I I got my sentence reduced twice. So by the time my second, my second reduction hit, I was so close to the door going to the program, I didn't get the year off, like I was going to get a couple months off. And it was really just cutting into my halfway house. So I only really went in the program to keep myself"
},
{
"end_time": 5831.237,
"index": 208,
"start_time": 5802.517,
"text": " at the prison because I was just like you, you were 20 minutes away. I was one hour away from, from where my mom lived and I didn't want to get moved. So I went in the program to keep myself there. And then as soon as they put like a management variable on me, I dropped out, but it took months. So it was like six months. So the second time then they told me it was going to be on for a year. And I figured I'll be in a halfway house by then."
},
{
"end_time": 5859.548,
"index": 209,
"start_time": 5831.766,
"text": " Three months later, they took it off me. So I immediately, they were like, yeah, we're shipping you to a camp. And I said, no, no, no, listen, I got a problem. I made a mistake dropping out. I have a major problem. I can't be released like this. I can't stop thinking about, you know, drugs and crime and, and I got to go back to the program. So I went back in and convinced them that I'd made a mistake to let me back in. They let me back in nine months. I was, no, I was in there about eight months just before"
},
{
"end_time": 5884.855,
"index": 210,
"start_time": 5859.957,
"text": " Like when I dropped out the second time, they were like, what are you doing? What you know, what are you doing? Like you're about to graduate. I was like, ah, listen, I said, it's better I drop out now. I said, we both know that I used to keep them on. I used to fuck with the doctor, all of them so much because I didn't need the year. And I remember I said, listen, we both know I'm coming back. I'm going to need that year the next time."
},
{
"end_time": 5910.708,
"index": 211,
"start_time": 5885.52,
"text": " And they go be honest, let's just be honest. So anyway, I dropped back out. And honestly, within about two months, I was in a halfway house. Okay, like it didn't change anything for me. But I actually liked being in the program because it everybody was very nice. You know, they have to be nice. All the inmates are on their best behavior."
},
{
"end_time": 5939.036,
"index": 212,
"start_time": 5911.647,
"text": " See, my experience was just so much different. It was with women. So like, very different. Like, I mean, they give you the prison rules, right? Like a handbook for prison, and they give you a handbook for ARDAP. And you literally have to abide and uphold these rules. If you watch anybody who's not doing it, then like, you need to pull them up. And if you don't, then you get pulled up yourself, right? It's this whole system of accountability, which I get. And it was the community."
},
{
"end_time": 5968.268,
"index": 213,
"start_time": 5939.599,
"text": " model, which was okay. But my thing, and I told the doctor, I was like, listen, I get it. This is a community based model, but you're wanting me like your community based model is different inside prison, because I'm not on the outside. This is where I sleep. This is where I stay. I'm around these women all day, every day. And I don't want to be, and I don't like most of them. And a lot of them don't like me. So like, I'm not opening up like you want me to."
},
{
"end_time": 5997.722,
"index": 214,
"start_time": 5968.916,
"text": " It just won't happen, you know, and the punishment for that obviously is well, then you can't be in this program. So like I opened up to a certain point, but like I never gave them what they wanted. I would not do it. You know, like I had not, I did not have the best relationships with a lot of these women in there. And I watched as like they were just conniving. They were, it was like high school on steroids almost right. Like these women had,"
},
{
"end_time": 6027.415,
"index": 215,
"start_time": 5997.961,
"text": " a lot of time on their hands or they had already had a lot of time on their hands. And now this is like the very end. And it's like, who can I fuck over to take away their time off, you know? And so it was really challenging for me in that program where like I'm like you said, I'm a civilized human being, you know, and some of us were some of us weren't like, it was just like that. So my thing was like, I don't want to become friends with any of you. Like I want to be,"
},
{
"end_time": 6057.619,
"index": 216,
"start_time": 6027.688,
"text": " as far removed from where I'm at as possible. So like I'm putting my my headphones in and I'm walking around listening to music or like I'm sticking with an individual person. You know, I don't need the support from these groups. You want to get through that. They fucking hated that. And they like targeted me. I was going to say you weren't being you weren't being present in the program. You were. You had entitlement issues."
},
{
"end_time": 6087.91,
"index": 217,
"start_time": 6058.063,
"text": " Oh, I did. Oh, my I got pulled up so much for that and manipulation and this like, I'm not better than you guys. I just don't want to be a part of anything you have to offer. And if my wife you that's a you problem. Listen, my wife will say my wife will will use those terms every once while she'll say, she'll she'll do the whole Oh, you're suffering from super optimism, or you're suffering from it because she went through it too."
},
{
"end_time": 6118.029,
"index": 218,
"start_time": 6088.422,
"text": " And I would just, you know, I'm like, don't, don't, don't do that. She's like, Oh, you know, you've got title ministry, you know, it's so funny. Oh my God. I will say what I learned, you know, I learned how to give feedback and receive feedback. And that is like one of my superhuman powers now. And it is, you know, it's benefited my life on the outside greatly, especially for the thing, like the job that I have today. It has greatly benefited me."
},
{
"end_time": 6142.961,
"index": 219,
"start_time": 6118.456,
"text": " and just building my self-worth too. You know, I could finally listen to somebody break me down and then tell me how I can fix it, which was really cool. But then there were moments where like, you know, the DTS is right. They, they, I remember Mr. Bruzan, he would come in and his thing was to be like, yeah, you're just a shitty mom. You're a real bad mom, you know?"
},
{
"end_time": 6170.691,
"index": 220,
"start_time": 6143.677,
"text": " And that was like, and that's it. Like, this is why you're a bad mom. There was never any like, let's build you up to, to show you why you can be a really good mom or like what made you a good mom or what are good qualities that you have that you can take into becoming a good mom. It was really about, he's a shitty DTS. I'm not, he's just, you know, awful. I remember. So like, I couldn't talk about my crime."
},
{
"end_time": 6198.268,
"index": 221,
"start_time": 6171.51,
"text": " When I was in prison because I couldn't talk about it without talking about my kids involvement. And for me, that was the epitome of being the worst mom in the world. And I remember I would do surface level papers, right? And talk about them. And I remember one day they were like, Hey, you haven't done one yet. You need to do this in this group of 70 women and talk about your paper. Like, okay. And it was like core beliefs, right? And somehow"
},
{
"end_time": 6225.077,
"index": 222,
"start_time": 6198.814,
"text": " Like I had talked to a few women there about my crime and that I was really shameful that my children were involved in it. And during that group, one of them just like raises her hand up, right? And I knew what she was going to say because I had like confided in her. You know, I was very shameful of this. This wasn't something I wanted to talk about. And then, you know, she was like, well, weren't your kids with you when you, you know, when you got arrested?"
},
{
"end_time": 6254.821,
"index": 223,
"start_time": 6225.623,
"text": " And I just remember I blacked out and I started going at her, not like physically, but like verbally, I was verbally going at her. And then the, you know, DTS at the time was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down this and this. And I just remember from that moment on, I was just like, fuck you, fuck this program. I'm not giving you what you want. That was, that was, that set me back so much in my recovery there."
},
{
"end_time": 6283.677,
"index": 224,
"start_time": 6255.367,
"text": " And, you know, it was just, it was never really addressed, but it was just weird. You know, like the DTS is she went through my emails, right? And she like would be reading them as I'm doing a paper, like talking about like traumas and stuff. And then she was like, Oh, why don't we talk about some of the stuff you in this manner talking about, right? Like bringing it up in the group. Like they were really, there was no boundaries with them."
},
{
"end_time": 6312.927,
"index": 225,
"start_time": 6283.899,
"text": " Yeah, very intrusive. Listen, I remember there was a guy on the phone, you know, they're listening to your phone calls, the guy who was ready to get released and had been, you know, you know, carrying on a relationship with a woman or two women. And one of the women had sent him money. And I mean, a lot of money or two, $3,000 so he could walk out of prison with two or three grand."
},
{
"end_time": 6343.916,
"index": 226,
"start_time": 6313.916,
"text": " and they said you're manipulating both of these women. You need to return the money and you need to tell both of them about the other woman or you could just spend another year in prison. Yeah, he had this so he had to call him both up and explain the situation to both of them. They both lost it had to send the money back the whole thing. I mean, you know, it was it was but here's the thing."
},
{
"end_time": 6365.862,
"index": 227,
"start_time": 6344.838,
"text": " you know, the those the DTS is and the doctors, like the doctor that ran the program in Coleman, or her name was Dr. Smith, like, listen, not always, but almost always, like she could just cut right through see right through you. I mean, she would for for me,"
},
{
"end_time": 6395.64,
"index": 228,
"start_time": 6366.561,
"text": " She could see right through me. She could cut straight. I mean, she just, listen, I don't think I ever walked into her office without coming out in tears. Every single time. Horrible, horrible and manipulative. Like she had some, she definitely had some entitlement issues. Um, but yeah, it was, uh, I, I, I really, I'm glad I went to that program. Um, you know, I like, I, thank God I didn't need to pass."
},
{
"end_time": 6423.763,
"index": 229,
"start_time": 6396.613,
"text": " Yeah, you know, if I needed a pass, I think I would have had a drastically different experience. I would have been, you know, because everybody else was just scared all the time. They're always scared. They're always on edge. It was it was agony for most people. But luckily, I didn't I didn't need to be there. You know, I didn't need the gear. And I thought worst, worst case scenario is I get I get recycled. I'm okay with that."
},
{
"end_time": 6449.787,
"index": 230,
"start_time": 6425.094,
"text": " And it was because of that cavalier attitude, I really sailed right through it. And I did virtually nothing. Like my assignments, I almost did no assignments, you're supposed to take all these classes to teach you how to do things. I would, I would actually took my sheet and just sign the name over and the guy's name who's supposed to sign you in. Or I never signed in, I would sign in maybe once and never sign in again, and just acted like I went."
},
{
"end_time": 6478.114,
"index": 231,
"start_time": 6450.418,
"text": " I mean, I just blew and it just nothing seemed to be catching up with me would catch up with other guys. Oh, I see that you skip. Yeah, go last week. And I'm thinking I've never gone. How are they getting him? I've never gone. My books, they never checked my books, even though they would check everybody else's books, they would just never check mine. Because I think the first couple phases, they felt, they felt like Cox has got this down, he's gonna sail through, we'll get him on the third phase."
},
{
"end_time": 6505.896,
"index": 232,
"start_time": 6479.343,
"text": " But I kept dropping out of the third phase because they would never, they can never pull you into the office and give you the verbal lashing that they love to give. Yeah. I saw guys that were just, they just tear them apart. Oh yeah. They've destroyed us in there. It wasn't about building up. It's literally just like, this is why you are a messed up individual. What are you going to do about it?"
},
{
"end_time": 6527.619,
"index": 233,
"start_time": 6506.22,
"text": " And I love them for their harsh reality because it made me fire up even more like you treat me like I'm not even a human. I have made bad choices. But like I'm going to show you why when I get out, I'm going to make so much more money than you do so many more things than you thought I could ever fucking do. And I did that."
},
{
"end_time": 6553.712,
"index": 234,
"start_time": 6528.234,
"text": " I got out and I did that, you know what I mean? So I'm grateful for the motivation they gave me, but also under different circumstances with a different human that could break them and really destroy them. You know, if they don't have the resources, if they don't have just the ability to reach within and over like triumph over things like that, like that could really break somebody."
},
{
"end_time": 6581.084,
"index": 235,
"start_time": 6554.104,
"text": " It's a good program and I'm grateful for it because it taught me about like my thinking patterns. It taught me that I am manipulative, but like I figured out like, Oh, I can use this for good though. You know what I mean? Like they tell you all these like really bad things about yourself. And I kept just being like, I'm never going to get rid of this. Like I'm never not going to be manipulative ever in my life. It's not something I want to get rid of because I like that part of me. I just need to use it for good."
},
{
"end_time": 6607.927,
"index": 236,
"start_time": 6581.63,
"text": " And so I took all those things and just made it into something I can use to benefit me and to benefit other people in my life and to then teach and help others. You know, well, I also think it's good that if you know those things about you, you can stop some there are times when you can stop yourself and say, wow, am I being selfish right now? Like, is that a selfish thing for me to have said? Or, you know, wow, you know what, I'm going to stop here because"
},
{
"end_time": 6637.073,
"index": 237,
"start_time": 6608.643,
"text": " that's super narcissistic, and that's a real problem for me, or I'm being overly, you know, arrogant, or I'm not being kind to this person, you know. So if you know those things about you, I'm not saying you can fix them all the time, but you can at least address them and, and some sometimes stop yourself and say, Wow, you know what, where I definitely was not prior to prison. That wasn't even a consideration. It wouldn't have even considered asking you about yourself."
},
{
"end_time": 6666.578,
"index": 238,
"start_time": 6637.875,
"text": " The entire time I was talking to another person and listening to them, I was only waiting for an opportunity to talk about myself. I don't know what you just said. Like that, that's literally you. I could talk to, I had talked, there were times on the street, I would talk to somebody for 30 minutes and walk away and I didn't know anything about that person. I wouldn't even paying attention to what they were saying. I couldn't recall half of what they were saying, but I was really just waiting for an opportunity and interject my something about myself in that conversation."
},
{
"end_time": 6692.483,
"index": 239,
"start_time": 6667.244,
"text": " you know, which is still an issue. But at least now I know it. Or I could try and work on it. But I think I mean, so I mean, obviously, you got you got stuff out of the program, you may not have been happy, but with being there, but you, you clearly did. I got some I got some really good things. Huh? And you got a year off? Well, I got six months off. Ah, so I wasn't"
},
{
"end_time": 6722.415,
"index": 240,
"start_time": 6692.841,
"text": " But I wasn't there long enough, right? Like I literally had just gotten into the program and then I did a year of RDAP because I still owed time. So I did a year long program in RDAP and then I got out with six months halfway house, which ended up turning into seven months halfway house. Well, seven months of home confinement. Well, you got seven months in six months. I mean, you got something. That's a Oh, yeah, no, I got that was the whole point. Like that was the goal."
},
{
"end_time": 6751.698,
"index": 241,
"start_time": 6722.654,
"text": " You know, that was the reason behind why I did what I did and go into that. And like, it was a very beneficial thing, but also it was like a selfish motive. You know, like if I finished this program inside and outside of prison, like I can be with my family sooner, you know, I can be with the kids sooner. I can start reaching these goals that I finally have in my life a lot sooner, you know, but I mean, I mean, it's,"
},
{
"end_time": 6780.111,
"index": 242,
"start_time": 6751.954,
"text": " still in prison, like I made poor choices. Like I had, I had a girlfriend the majority of the time I was locked up. Um, so that's like not our DAP appropriate. So I was able to keep that relationship on, uh, I was able to keep it out of the treatment programs, uh, knowledge for quite some time on the, on the down low, which is not easy."
},
{
"end_time": 6806.527,
"index": 243,
"start_time": 6780.691,
"text": " It's not easy. The third, my third, you know, part in being in that program, that's where things were like really tough for me. The first two, you know, two portions of it were pretty easy. And then the third is like where they're like, who's this person? Cause she was an RDAP too. We were an RDAP together and we like right across the hallway from each other. And they had no idea until like all these women who really didn't like me,"
},
{
"end_time": 6836.118,
"index": 244,
"start_time": 6807.09,
"text": " You know called me out but it was like you can't really do anything like you're not catching me doing anything and me having somebody around a lot is not breaking any rules. So like you can't really tell me what to do. That was that was my thing. It was just kind of my you know, fuck you to the system of like yeah, I'm here but like I'm going to do it on my own terms. I'm going to graduate and I'm going to I'm going to do it in a way where you're going to look at me on the internet one day right and be like, oh my God."
},
{
"end_time": 6862.227,
"index": 245,
"start_time": 6836.664,
"text": " Like I know her. I was an asshole to her, but I know her, you know, but, um, but like I, I went into prison and obviously had this relationship prior to going in. Right. And he, I went in and he had the understanding, like, listen, I, I swing both ways, man. And I'm going to be in here, you know, possibly 30 months, but probably less, like something's going to happen, you know?"
},
{
"end_time": 6892.432,
"index": 246,
"start_time": 6862.91,
"text": " He was pretty aware of that and I got really close with this girl when I was locked up and I like connected my fiance right guy was dating at the time I connected him with my best friend on the outs because like she I didn't want her to be lonely right like she was really messed up from me leaving we were really close and I wanted her to be able to have somebody because like she was a recovering addict as well and I didn't want her to relapse well I'm gonna find out like they ended up hooking up and you know"
},
{
"end_time": 6921.766,
"index": 247,
"start_time": 6892.671,
"text": " like they were using together and this whole situation was happening and it was really weird like he would bring her to come visit me and I distinctly remember one time like they came up to the prison the two of them right and she was like weird and so was he and he was like hey I think I might just go outside to like let you two talk and I'm like what do you mean and she's like no no like why don't I leave and I'm like what's going on and I was like I"
},
{
"end_time": 6948.712,
"index": 248,
"start_time": 6922.295,
"text": " I wanted to see both of you. Like what, what are you talking about? So I'm pretty sure like that was the day they were going to let me know like this is what's going on or they had a guilty conscious or something. But, um, they were both super weird at that point and weren't really picking up my phone calls. So I just, I figured something was going on and I blocked both of them. Like I just stopped talking to them. I blocked them from communicating with me over, um, you know, email and stuff."
},
{
"end_time": 6976.8,
"index": 249,
"start_time": 6949.411,
"text": " And then when I got out, come to find out like they were together and they had like just gotten married when I got out of prison. Whoa. And I remember like, I remember watching Orange is the New Black going in, you know, like trying to, trying to figure out what is the prison all about. And it's, I mean, there are some, you know, there's some truths behind it, but I didn't realize it was going to be so fucking spot on with how my life was going to be when I got out."
},
{
"end_time": 7002.585,
"index": 250,
"start_time": 6977.329,
"text": " They're just funny. The similarities between that show and like what went on, um, like falling in love in prison, you know, did not think that was going to happen. And, um, I did, I did meet some really, really amazing women in there who just like, just like me, you know, had a really bad drug problem and needed the money to get what they needed to get. But also like,"
},
{
"end_time": 7032.073,
"index": 251,
"start_time": 7003.933,
"text": " some little fucked up to inside their head, you know, so there are a few women that, um, like to take the girl I was with in prison and then one more person that I stay connected with that are doing well in life, you know, like they took the things that we learned in the program and they applied it to their everyday life and they are doing well. And that program does do well for people. I'm so happy that it does exist, not just for the time off, but like for the really cool things that you get to learn, you know,"
},
{
"end_time": 7061.527,
"index": 252,
"start_time": 7032.398,
"text": " So it's definitely beneficial, but it was hard. So when I got out of prison, you know, I'm single at this time, I'm in the halfway house and the halfway house situation was really weird because I got out right when COVID hit. Like I remember hearing about COVID when I was locked up and then I got out and like a few days later, they're like, we're going on lockdown. So for the last year, I'm told you go to the halfway house, you work, you only sleep at the halfway house. That's all you do there. Like,"
},
{
"end_time": 7086.578,
"index": 253,
"start_time": 7061.869,
"text": " You work, you sleep in the house, that's it. Don't make friends with anybody, you know what I mean? They're prepping us and it was just like, you didn't go anywhere the first month and a half. You were stuck at the halfway house and it was men and women and it was from all different levels. It wasn't like all the minimum security women are here and minimum security men are here. It's any and all levels except sex offenders are down the road."
},
{
"end_time": 7113.131,
"index": 254,
"start_time": 7087.329,
"text": " So it was uncomfortable, you know, like we're housed with men and women and I, I just stayed in my room until I could work. I was like, I'm not, you know, I don't, I just, I don't understand you and I don't, I'm not where you're at, you know, and I'm not going down to a level where you're at. Like if I don't need to be where you're at, you know,"
},
{
"end_time": 7139.957,
"index": 255,
"start_time": 7113.814,
"text": " So I'm just going to stick with myself until I find people I want to be around who like have the same drive motivation that I do that aren't looking at this situation as like a party or I don't know. Like I just, I looked at this as a learning opportunity and a lesson building and a character building opportunity and that was it. And I was never fucking doing this again. Um, so,"
},
{
"end_time": 7166.698,
"index": 256,
"start_time": 7140.469,
"text": " When I was able to work, I started like working in treatment, you know, cause I'm like a recovering addict and I always wanted to work in treatment and an opportunity presented itself. So I was on home confinement, right? Like I'm still technically an inmate, but they hired me on and it was like, so thankful and blessed for that. You know, like I had an opportunity to work instantly and like make decent money. I started to, you know,"
},
{
"end_time": 7192.09,
"index": 257,
"start_time": 7167.637,
"text": " do overnights as a behavioral health tech at that particular facility. And I stayed three months in the halfway house and then went to home confinement with my mom. And in total, I was on home confinement for seven months, which is a lot. I mean, they have a lot of rules and regulations, but it was all right. You know, it wasn't too bad. Continue to like work in the industry I'm in."
},
{
"end_time": 7221.561,
"index": 258,
"start_time": 7192.466,
"text": " And I just got a raise and like better like promotions, right? Like I went to a different company, got promoted, like went somewhere else, got promoted again. I was doing admissions and case management. I ended up getting off of probation a year and a half early. Like I did everything I was supposed to do to the T. You know, like I'm still afraid to speed today. I don't even want to like jaywalk. You know what I mean?"
},
{
"end_time": 7250.538,
"index": 259,
"start_time": 7222.056,
"text": " It's kind of instilled a fear in me of doing something wrong and being triggered that I'm a shameful person kind of thing. But I started working as business development for a treatment center. So my job was to go around and vet other programs, other treatment centers, other mental health programs, and get referrals in, send referrals out, try to help people get into treatment."
},
{
"end_time": 7279.957,
"index": 260,
"start_time": 7251.084,
"text": " And it was beautiful. I loved it. I loved every minute of it. I loved the one-on-one hands-on with these people. Like early on, my job was like direct patient care. And that was a perfect position for me because I am prime and ready. Like I just did our job. You're not getting anything by me, you know? And I got to help a lot of people. Like I got to help a lot of people just like me and share my experience, strength and hope and let them know like, Hey, I did travel that road."
},
{
"end_time": 7306.323,
"index": 261,
"start_time": 7280.486,
"text": " If you want to do something different, that's great. I have some great tools. Um, but if not, like, you know, what's out there, you know, and, and I was able to make like, um, a name for myself in this industry, like a good name, you know, one where they're like, Oh, Megan racer. Yeah, I know her. She's I love her. Right. Like, Oh, she's really good at what she does. And it's like a male dominated industry."
},
{
"end_time": 7332.739,
"index": 262,
"start_time": 7307.022,
"text": " You know, I thrive in places where people tell me it can't do something. I'm like, great. I'm so glad you did that because I'm going to show you why I can. And, you know, I get to make pretty decent money doing what I do. I get to travel doing what I do. I get to meet tons of people that have lots of letters behind their names. And, you know, I've been to school for years and years and years and I'm respected by them."
},
{
"end_time": 7362.125,
"index": 263,
"start_time": 7333.37,
"text": " And this is such a different, it's just such a transition from where I was almost five years ago. You know, I'm coming up with my five years sober and the five years to the day that I was arrested in July. And it just, it kind of amazes me because I spent 14 months total locked up, right? And that's with like detention and prison and all that, like 14 months on a 30 month sentence with then seven months home confinement."
},
{
"end_time": 7391.237,
"index": 264,
"start_time": 7362.978,
"text": " And from the time I was arrested in 2018 in July to now, I'm kind of shocked. I'm shocked at the things I was able to make happen. Where people find excuses, I find reasons to push harder. And I love having motivated people around me that are just like that. I love people who have stories and pasts and they have a history"
},
{
"end_time": 7416.766,
"index": 265,
"start_time": 7391.664,
"text": " with being knocked down and getting back up. Like those are the most, those are the people I want to work with. That's the person I want to work side by side with, you know, like the owner of the company I worked for has spent a good portion of his life in prison. And that was like, Oh my God, you know, and he's just a smart, genuine, like good hearted, good morals and value kind of person. It was just like, you're my new mentor."
},
{
"end_time": 7445.179,
"index": 266,
"start_time": 7417.244,
"text": " You know, like you did this really fucked up kind of crazy stuff and early on and, and now you're like doing something with it. You're making a difference. You're helping people. Like you're helping moms and dads get their daughters back and their sons back. And that's so important to me. And I don't, I wouldn't have been able to get to this point and make an impact like I do without, like you said, without getting arrested that day."
},
{
"end_time": 7470.367,
"index": 267,
"start_time": 7445.811,
"text": " If I wasn't arrested, I probably wouldn't have made it. I was shooting up a couple grams of heroin a day. It was a bad meth habit. If I didn't kill myself, I probably would have put my kids in harm's way and harmed them. God intervened in that moment and was like, you're going to have to go through all this pain, Megan, but the fruits of your labor are going to pay off. It's just going to take time."
},
{
"end_time": 7501.135,
"index": 268,
"start_time": 7472.022,
"text": " You know, you're just going to have to suck it up and be okay with feeling uncomfortable for a while. But no, like your kids love you. Your mom, your parents love you. Like I've been able to help my stepdad get sober because of like the journey I took, you know, like he reached out one day and was like, I need help. I can't do this anymore. Like my sister reached out to me for help. I've been able to show my family like you can rely on me."
},
{
"end_time": 7531.288,
"index": 269,
"start_time": 7502.602,
"text": " You know, that's right there. Like I never thought that was possible from the past that I had and the crap that I did to like how my family loved me that much to trust me like that. I appreciate you, you know, being interviewed, you know, coming on the show, I guess, even though you're not really on the show, you're sitting in your office. But I do appreciate you, you know,"
},
{
"end_time": 7561.886,
"index": 270,
"start_time": 7531.988,
"text": " Spending this time and going through everything and going through the story. If you know, is there anything else you want to anything else you could think of? I think that I think that's my life. It's really. No, it's less like bad. It sounds, you know, but that's it. No, it's good. Yeah, it's good there. You know, there were no car chases."
},
{
"end_time": 7591.954,
"index": 271,
"start_time": 7562.619,
"text": " You know, there was no shootouts, there was no, you know, not as exciting as you know, some of the guys, but you know, it's good. It's good. I'm Yeah, no, it definitely is definitely a situation that that you that you definitely got through and it was it's definitely an inspiring story. And I'm glad things worked out. And I'm sure they're going to continue to work out."
},
{
"end_time": 7615.623,
"index": 272,
"start_time": 7592.227,
"text": " Hey, I appreciate you guys watching. Do me a favor, subscribe, hit the bell, leave me a comment and check the description for Megan's LinkedIn. I hope you guys like the podcast and I really appreciate it. See you."
},
{
"end_time": 7643.865,
"index": 273,
"start_time": 7619.991,
"text": " It started with a scream inside a quiet Maryland home."
},
{
"end_time": 7668.882,
"index": 274,
"start_time": 7644.445,
"text": " A mother trying to protect the family dog and her son in the grip of a violent hallucinogenic rage. By the time it was over, she was dead, and he claimed LSD made him do it. His name, David Minor IV, and we talked to him. Listen to Invisible Choir every other week as we uncover the most haunting true crimes you've never heard of, available wherever you get your podcasts."
}
]
}No transcript available.